blessings

So today I was clerking my CP1 forms, and chatting to the patients as usual. Somehow I feel patients take to me very easily, I ask them for their previous medications and they can talk to me about everything under the sun! Which can be a bother sometimes when I'm trying to finish all the CP1s for all newly admitted patients, and I haven't really learnt the art of extricating myself from a conversation, and I feel like a rude person if I have to ask the person to stop talking.

But anyhow.

One patient I was interviewing was asking me if she could be discharged early, because she had a handicapped 44-year-old son at home and no one was looking after him when she was at the hospital. She said her husband was living in another house, and he wouldn't help out with the son when she was warded. She said he wouldn't even come to the hospital to visit her. Apparently he moved out soon after her son was born, and have been a 'long-distance' father ever since. She was worried that she may fall sick and no one will take care of the son (I remember her diagnosis was ACS) and she was even worrying about her son's fate after she passes away.

As she was talking, tears were falling from her eyes but I could see that she was trying to control them, as if trying to squeeze them back in to prevent them from falling in front of a stranger.

Looking at her, I realised that however much we may complain about our work and our life, there's always someone out there more unfortunate than us. Although we may think that our lives are not the best, we may still not realise that we are already very much blessed, compared to a major part of the population out there.

How many people can boast of a loving family, a healthy relationship with friends and coworkers, a good job that pays enough to cover our expenses and more, and a great life overall? Sure enough, there'll be people out there who earn more than us, careers that seem much more cushier and pays better than ours, families who never argue, and couples that always seem to be blissfully happy with each other. But how do we know that perhaps the executive out there who gets 10k per month will have to work 14 hours each day and deal with a whole lot more life-shortening stress, and perhaps get hypertension or diabetes much earlier than anyone? How do we know that the perfect girl next door who wears Chanel, slings a Coach from her elbow, and steps out in immaculate Jimmy Choos, is actually paying for her wardrobe through her teeth, and perhaps eats instant noodles for dinner every night? How do we know that the perfect husband and wife is in fact, screaming at each other in their soundproof 5th Avenue apartment and smashing their china at the wall every night?

Thing is, we don't know.

We say, 'I want to be happy', and we seek entertainment and pleasurable activities to give us a feeling of happiness. We shop for clothes and shoes and eat out at beautiful restaurants and buy gorgeous mansions because they make us feel 'happy'.

But what if happiness was just as simple as counting our blessings?

Instead of seeing our parents as traditional and restrictive, shouldn't we see the love that they're trying to give us by ensuring that we're safe all the time? Instead of bitching about work everyday, shouldn't we acknowledge that however shitty it may seem, it's a whole lot better than a lot more jobs out there and it pays the bills and covers our rent. Instead of complaining about how our partner does not compare to the 'perfect' boyfriend or husband who buys his wife Tiffany's every week, shouldn't we revel in the fact that our partner loves us unconditionally for who we are, and is probably saving up for a better future with us instead of frivolously frittering away his hard-earned money?

( that said, if my boyfriend were to buy me Tiffany's I would happily accept it. Bwahaha. =P )

But yeah, you get my point.

Or even sometimes, when everything seems to be going wrong and the sky is falling down, be happy for the fact that we were born normal, and were blessed to see this world in its glory...and besides, probably Chicken Little would warn us beforehand about the falling sky!

I love the fact that I have a great job that allows me to learn and work at the same time.

I love the fact that I have awesome parents who will always be there for me.

I love the fact that I have wonderful friends whom accept me for who I truly am.

I love the fact that I have a terrific boyfriend that I can share my life with.

Fact is,

I love my life.

And you probably should, too!

重色轻blog

I'm getting tired of always apologising for my absence here, so for once, I shall not do it. Besides, I'm sure many will have probably given up on reading this since my last post of four months ago, eh?

It's not that I have nothing to say though, I just didn't feel comfortable sharing some of those stuff here publicly. The last few months have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. It feels weird to have someone else responsible for my feelings and emotions, but then I guess that's what happens when you're in love.

And yes, I did just say that.

So as officially of yesterday, my best friend and my boyfriend will be working in the same hospital, a.k.a. Penang General Hospital!

Sometimes I feel as if God is laughing at me, at us for this great joke he has been playing on us. I can just imagine the skies shudder as he rolls over and over with laughter, his great big belly rumbling with every laugh. Oh, the cheekiness of it all!

For the uninitiated, my boyfriend (it still amazes me every time I say this, but still) used to be a senior PRP in my hospital, which is how we met. He just got his new posting yesterday, which sent him as an FRP to my best friend's hospital in penang, of ALL the possible hospitals in Malaysia. How's that for a great fat joke?

(Wenchin, if you're reading this, do remember to look after him for me ya. and to tell me if he bullies you. hah!)

Yesterday when he left for Penang in the morning, I bawled my eyes out in my car as I was driving to the hospital for work. I know, not the best idea for a half-assed driver like me. And I'm pretty sure I scared some of the motorists passing by me as they saw a girl crying in a swerving car as they too swerved to avoid me.

I'm kidding. My car didn't swerve, I'm not suicidal. But the bawling part is real though.

And today as I found a sweet little note in my iphone from him, written yesterday before he left, I started crying again. le sigh, I've turned into a crybaby. 都是你害的！

Anyways.

So now I have to get used to Manjung without him. We've been practically glued together for the most part of my time here, so I expect it will take some getting used to, but it's not impossible. I kind of welcome the idea of spending time alone. I really need to catch up on my research and clinical reading as I'll be starting my ward rounds in early April, and I can't just walk in there with nil clinical knowledge in my brain! And I'm SO backlogged in my research too, but there's still sufficient time though. As I said, God really knows how to play a joke, but with perfect timing too.

As for the rest of my life, it's pretty good actually. Working life is hectic but fulfilling, in some ways. I've completed DIS, TDM, chemo, ward supply, and am now in my second month in OPD. I've done a continuous week of oncall. (in my hospital, PRPs are supposed to do active and passive calls for one continuous week. How's that for a challenge?) TDM was relaxing, chemo was good, I think I may have a talent for it even! And yesterday I drove alone from manjung to Ipoh. My driving skills are now sufficiently good enough that I was able to feel comfortable throughout the entire journey. I'm so going to drive alone more in the future, penang is beckoning me!