fate (or not!)

Sorry I didn’t keep my part of the promise. Rome and the rest of Italy seems so far away now, I just can’t seem to find the mood (and time) to tell you about it. Once semester starts, the holidays just fall to the back of my mind. Ah well, probably those pictures and stories will see the light of the day, someday, when I have nothing better to blog about.

So.

I was chit-chatting over dinner with a few girlfriends.

And somehow our conversation turned into a debate of which was more important in a relationship: fate, or making it happen.

It’s like this.

Which do you believe in?

a. Successful relationships were meant to be. Fate decides everything.

b. Successful relationships are a result of our own efforts.

And I was the one supporting the second theory.

I do not deny that we need fate to intercede in order for people to meet, and perhaps like each other.

Why would we be great friends with someone and so-so with others?

This is because we were fated to be.

Actually fate doesn’t really explain it all. 缘分(yuan fen, or yuan) would be more accurate.

We become close to some people, fall in love with a few, and hate the rest, all because of yuan.

In short, yuan determines what goes on in our lives.

If we fall in love with someone and become a couple, then it’s because we have a lot of yuan.

If we like someone but didn’t progress that far, we blame it on having too little yuan.

If we hate someone just simply because, we say it’s bad yuan.

But is it right to leave everything to fate?

I don’t think so.

In my world, good things came to me because I actually made the effort to achieve them. Not by waiting around and blaming the lack of yuan when I don’t get what I want.

In short, I fully believe that ‘what you reap is what you sow’.

Of course I understand that there are no fixed rules when it comes to relationships. I understand that even if you love someone doesn’t mean that someone will love you back.

But then again, if you didn’t even make it known that you love that someone (ie court her/him lah!), how are you going to blame it on fate when others don’t even know that you fancy them?

Yes, I agree that it takes a certain amount of fate for people to meet, and for sparks to fly.

But if nothing more happens after that, then the fate doesn’t amount to anything now does it?

It is so much better to love and live, than not loving at all.

Even if it might hurt lots and then some, it would have been worth it.

I would rather have plunged right in and did something from my heart, than NOT to do it and regret after that.

I do not like to have ‘what if-s’ in my life.

What if I had gone on that date with him?

What if I had called him after the date instead of waiting for him to call? (what if he never did call?)

What if I had initiated the second date instead of waiting for him to do it?

What if I had told him I fancied him instead of waiting for him to do it?

What if?....

See, that’s my point.

We never know what’s going to happen the next step.

We are human after all, not God.

So why not live in exuberance instead of tiptoeing through life?

Of course, I am not saying that we plunge through life without thinking.

Obviously if something (or someone) was a bad idea, a little logical thinking would tell me that NOT going ahead is the better choice.

But if your head and heart says YES! why not just go ahead? rather than crack your head and think, oh long distance relationships are no good la, he’s not rich enough la, he’s not funny enough la, he doesn’t take out the trash la, etc.

Anyways, I digress.

My point is,

It is simply not enough to sit around and wait for someone to come across you, sitting there oh so demurely.

Rather, we should go out there, and take our pick from the mix! Throw out the good girl and snag a fab guy, and we shall see who gets the last laugh!

xoxo

p/s: actually I admit I’m somewhat a mix in between those two types. I sit at home all the time yet I still believe I should ‘make it happen’. So please do not laugh back at me when I eat my own words some time in the (near?) future. ha!

p/p/s: no, there is no guy on the horizon right now, unfortunately. this post was simply inspired by our after-dinner conversation, period.