Friday, December 26, 2008

just complaining

It's what I do best anyway. Complaining. =)

Before that, I have a lil' question to ask.
Am I really that muscular?

Some time ago, a guy friend of mine told me that I had very muscular forearms, and he'd seldom seen girls with muscles like that. Bizarrely, he asked me to do the 'Mr Malaysia pose' , that is to bend the arm 90degrees in front of the chest and flexing the muscles..can you imagine it? And all along I thought I was a 100% girly sort of girl type! (and in fact, the guy himself was the muscular one to boot! you can only think how embarrased I felt at that time.)

Then a few days ago, one of my badminton kaki-s (a guy too) commented that I had 'big' forearms, and asked if I practised taekwando. ?! Then he said also said, oh, seldom got girls with such muscle-y forearms. He's the youngest among all the male kaki-s so we got along fairly well (the others are all 'uncles') and I laughed along with him, but in my mind I was like, help!

See, I want to be muscular (as opposed to being flabby), but not to the extent that guys start noticing and commenting on them! Oh well...


Yet another complaint.

I don't like it when my mom and grandma speak to each other using the foochow dialect!
The thing is, even I have listened to it for pretty long, I still can't understand 100% of what they're saying. At best, I understand 70-80%, and I can't speak a word of the dialect! And neither can my dad. (we're both cantonese) So when mom and granny start talking foochow, me and dad have to 收声 (shut up). We can't join in the conversation! And I feel really uncomfortable. I feel as if we're.....ostracized? Diketepikan? Sorta like that I guess. And I don't like it! we're a family, we live together. So this shouldn't be happening! I mean, my grandma can speak and understand mandarin perfectly, so why can't all of us speak mandarin so everyone can understand? I don't think I'm being unreasonable here, am I?

(FYI, I told my mom about this, but they still speak in foochow to each other...old habits die hard...le sigh...)

Now that I think about it, it's exactly what Siva would feel when he's with us.. one indian with a group of chinese ppl.....speaking chinese! Like, you kinda know what's going on but you don't really know what's going on, and you can't join in the fun because you don't speak the language!

Siva, I'm so sorry....=P

Saturday, December 20, 2008

of meeting a former best friend

Yesterday something happened that made my very happy.

Because I met KC after a very, very long time.

KC was my best friend in high school. We sat next to each other in classes and often 'hang out' together with two other friends, you could probably call us a 'gang' I guess. Although our characters weren't that similar, we got along quite well, and had a great time during those three years. She was more of the quiet one, though I wasn't exactly talkative (the other two friends were =P ).

KC left Ipoh for matriculation after Form 5, and I left for National Service and subsequently, to do my A-levels in INTEC, so we parted ways after Form 5, and seldom saw each other. She got a place in UKM to study medicine while I got into IMU for pharmacy. Somehow we never got around to seeing each other although Bukit Jalil and Cheras (that's where she is) isn't that far away, and somehow I always felt she was very busy all the time, and didn't want to disturb her. Or perhaps I'm just a lousy friend. =P And besides (I say this with embarrassment) I'd met plenty of new friends in college and university, which kept me fairly busy, and I never did get to meet up with my high school friends when I was back in my hometown.

So you can imagine my excitement when I realised that the both of us were on the same bus back to Ipoh. =)

I actually saw her in the LRT to the bus station. I thought, hmm, this person looks very much like my friend! Then I saw her wearing an old-ish club t-shirt and jeans, and thought, hmm, her fashion sense is also like my friend. Then I thought, could this be KC?? But then as I stared at her, I thought she looked back at me too, and she showed no signs of recognition, so I thought I'd got the wrong person. But then when I went down the platform to board my bus, I saw her again....and this time there was no mistake, it was definitely her! Perhaps by now you'd be thinking, what a lousy friend you are cynthia, just a few years down the road and you can't even recognise your best friend? As a matter of fact I also think the same way, but you must also take into account the fact that I haven't seen her in more than 2 years..Do I get to be forgiven? =)

So I changed my seat to the one beside her, and we chatted non-stop throughout the entire 2.5-hour journey. We exchanged information, gossiped (but there was a lack of topics since I don't know her current friends and she doesn't know mine), talked a little about the future (like where we planned to do our housemanship), and also a little about boys (but then again there was a lack of topics since the both of us were always single and are currently very much so too). I only hope we didn't disturb the passengers sitting around us with our chattering and laughing! In short, we had a great time on the bus. It was the best bus journey I had!

Maybe she doesn't know this, but I owe her a great debt. She was the one who 'rescued' me from my 'gang-less' state in high school. She and the other 2 friends made me feel as if I belonged to a group, truly belonged and loved for who I am. If not for her, I would not have gained the confidence to make and keep friends and to believe that I myself am worthy as a friend as well.


So I'm home!
Been enjoying the company of the parents so far. Perhaps I haven't been around for long enough to irritate them. =P

I have high hopes for my 2-week holiday. I intend to at least complete half of my DD3 lab report, finish my posology and case law tutorials reports, and do a bit of studying.

Am keeping my fingers crossed that I will stick to my plan. =)


Thursday, December 18, 2008

hangover w/o alcohol

I can't believe I'm suffering from a post-party hangover.
A post-class-party hangover, to be exact.
And no, no alcohol was served. But I think there's actually such a thing as adrenaline overdose, though technically alcohol is a depressant and adrenaline a stimulant and they aren't supposed to produce the same effect, but still....

I am so. freakin. tired.

There has been a consistent throb at the back of my head since I woke up this morning. Nothing too serious, but that niggling little hammer at the back of my head is becoming increasingly irritating...

Is this a hangover? I don't know. But I realised that recently I have become increasingly easily tired, especially after a day of shopping or some other particularly energy-sapping activity. How ironic it is, for me to go shopping 'to relax' but then I have to spend another day to recuperate from the 'relaxing'. =P

But anyway, to give credit where it's due, the flowers did a great job with the class party, they single-handedly organised it from scratch. (but I think they got a little help from the side as well..)


So I'll be having a 2-week holiday starting tomorrow.
It's perfect, really.
I needed to get away from IMU for some time, and I wanted to spend some time with the parents before school reopens and they don't have much time for me even when I'm home.
And speaking of parents, they actually went to Bali without me! Again! And they're planning to go KK in the next school holidays...sans me, of course. That makes it 3 trips without their pesky little daughter, which was unheard of in my family......until recently. =)

Oh and I'm bringing my homework home this time, hopefully my mom (who is better in computer stuff than me, I regret to say) would be able to help me with my Excel spreadsheets for my DD3 lab report! =)

anyways, till then!


Saturday, December 13, 2008

simple pleasures

Sometimes, it's the simple things in life that counts.

Went for a swim this this afternoon. It was lovely! I had almost forgot how happy it felt to swim and be buoyed by the comforting waters. And the weather was perfect too. We went around 1pm to avoid the crowd and the sun was nicely hidden behind the clouds, and there was just the right amount of sunshine for warmth yet not so much so that we'd get burnt after our swim. The water was also quite clear for vista B standards, I even smelt chlorine in the water.

I have not swam for a few years, I stopped after I took up tennis. When I was young, my parents used to take me swimming every day. And by that I mean every single freakin' day. It got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore and started to rebel in my own little ways. Like refusing to swim freestyle throughout my entire swim even when my dad told me to. I remembered I hated freestyle as my only method of, erm, hair removal was shaving and I often forgot to shave my underarms, so swimming freestyle would make me, ahem, exposed. But dad always said "没有人这样得空看你啦!" But you know how teenagers are like...especially a girl in her puberty years. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable over my change in body shape and of course, the horrible hair growth. So I used to sengaja 'kek' my dad by swimming only in breast stroke the whole time! I know it must not seem particularly rebellious to you, but for me, it's one of the few things I did to irritate my parents on purpose.

Anyway. I'm also enjoying listening to a radio station that plays only piano music. It's perfect for times when I want to study, it doesn't take my attention away from the study material, and it prevents me from falling asleep. How perfect.

There was a time when I downloaded the Turkish March by Mozart, and it turned out to be a 'synthetic' piece. I felt so geli that I deleted the file after listening to it for less than half a minute! I know I must seem like a music snob..must be my classical training in music. But really, I can't stand the use of studio-generated sounds of violin and piano and other musical instruments to play a classical piece! Blasphemous! ( I know, I just used this word in my last post, but it's the only word I could come up forgive my limited vocabulary.)

And I actually had a good time ironing my clothes. Really! It just seemed so...meditative. I could go on and on on autopilot ironing my clothes, and mulling over things that I normally don't have the time to think about. But but but! if anyone dares to ask me to iron their clothes, I will do to them with my red hot iron what Kayin did with her paddle during our whitewater rafting. Haaah!!!

It's sunday tomorrow! Another day for me to relax and feel guilty for wasting time. =)


Friday, December 12, 2008

tired + economics talk

Today was really, really, really tiring.

Slept at 4am last night (no thanks to insomnia) and woke up at 7am this morning to prepare for our convo mag photoshoot. Obviously 3 hours of sleep is never enough for anyone to function properly, but still......Jumped around, splashed water, blew bubbles, and smiled until my cheeks hurt for our poolside shoot. Hopefully the pictures turn out to be nice!..

Then went for a talk by our very own Tun Mahathir and Nobel Economics Prize winner Prof. Robert Engle on 'the volatile economics nowadays' at Putrajaya. I originally wanted to go because of the nobel prize winner and I thought economics was sorta my field as I'm a unit trust agent and all, but as it turned out, I slept through most parts of the lecture. I don't know if I was too tired to appreciate the talks but I really couldn't concentrate on Prof Robert's talk on 'how volatile the market was'. I only managed to get some of his points of managing risk in the beginning, then I dozed off.

Actually in the first lecture by the Tun I was nodding off (I think I fell asleep at one point) but the stuff he was talking about was really kinda interesting and somewhat controversial, it managed to keep me half-awake throughout Tun's talk. And besides, it felt....blasphemous to fall asleep when our semi-demi-god of an ex-PM was giving a lecture! But sadly when it came to Prof Robert, I started to see stars.....then clouds.....then darkness. =P

Thankfully I recorded both the lectures, perhaps I'll listen to them when I have the mood?..(which is probably never!) anyone who's interested in the lectures are welcome to take a copy of them from me though!

The funny thing was, when the talk ended it was raining pretty heavily outside, and all of a sudden it started raining inside the lobby of the building as well! Bocor putrajaya some more! And it was actually 'raining' quite hard in the lobby, until some reporters started taking pictures of the leaking and another actually took a video of it as well! Anything is possible in Bolehland, aint it? =P

And when we were on our way back from Putrajaya, somehow the front window pane of our friend's car dropped into the....crevice? the space in the passenger door? what do you call that place anyway?...and couldn't be raised up again. And it was raining to boot! So we had to visit a car mechanic when we reached vista, and thankfully he managed to solve the problem temporarily...but the friend would still have to go change the spare part for the window to function again.

Then we went for dinner.

Then someone went for a Hep B jab and asked the doctor so many questions. =P


And thus ends my tiring day.

Okay, I know I was rambling. But really, I have not felt so tired ever since...forever? and yet I'm still blogging at this hour. Guilty as charged..for neglecting my health. Oh well.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

On eating and food

I think I have an eating problem.

I like to eat, I always had.
I am not discriminating when it comes to food, as long as it hasn't gone bad, it is good food to me.
I eat when I'm hungry, I eat when I'm stressed, I eat when I'm bored.
I eat when I'm with friends, I eat when I study, I eat when I simply have nothing else to do.
Having food in my larder makes me feel safe. Secure, even.
My ultimate relaxing ritual would be to curl up with a book and a bag of chips. (recently switched to raw almonds, it's supposed to be healthier and lower in calories...I think?)
I used to think my eating habits was normal (hey, my family eats just like me ok?) till I went to college and realised people didn't eat as much and as frequently as me.
I like trawling food blogs, especially those with pretty pictures of food. I like to visualise the food in front of me, waiting to be eaten, in all its beauty and splendour.
But funnily I don't much enjoy cooking. Maybe it's because I can't really cook. I just like to eat. To me sometimes cooking is a chore that wastes time, cos I spend one hour cooking then I finish the meal in like, 10 minutes!
At home, there is always something to eat on the dinner table. It may be kayang kok (my favourite!), cake, biscuits, or some tong sui the maid whipped up. Anything, just that there is always something.

And yeah, I know I'm not exactly erm, thin from all the food going down my GI tract.
I wish I could be slimmer. Who doesn't?
But when I went on diets, I felt terrible without all the food I was used to. Granted, I did lose 2kg from my latest diet, the New York Diet, but I felt kinda deprived of real food throughout.

Granted, I do exercise. Used to do so quite regularly, but somehow have slowed down a little this semester. Hmm. Perhaps I should regain my daily aerobics habit....

I know I am not fat. But I'm not thin, either.
Sometimes I wonder if the reason why I am still single and swinging is my body size?..
I mean, given a choice, I would also prefer hunky guys, whom I assume are healthier and takes care of themselves more.
But then again, I can't say I'm not healthy and doesn't take care of myself. Quite the contrary, actually.

I guess it all boils down to self esteem.
Why should I worry about 'what others think' about my body? Sedangkan it's not their body anyway.
Why should I deprive myself of food just to conform to a 'beautiful' body shape?
Anyone can be beautiful, at any size. I mean, just look at Samantha in SATC, she looked absolutely gorgeous post-weight gain, didn't she?
Perhaps it just depends on how we carry ourselves.
If I'm constantly worrying about the size of my thighs, or hips, or anywhere for that matter, then my true personality would be somewhat diminished from all my body hung-ups, wouldn't it?

*but then hor, it would be slightly difficult to not compare yourself to all the gorgeous ladies around you, wouldn't it? hint hint: sinwee *cough* wenchin *cough*

Repeat after myself:
I am beautiful.
I am gorgeous.
I am desirable.


okay, even I thought that sounded kinda fake.
But maybe, just maybe, if I say that enough times, I will start to actually believe it's true?..

Ah well. A girl can hope, can't she? =)


A post-NHSD conversation today:

Actually you look kinda familiar, don't you?

Yeah, we have met before. You're not from Malaysia, right?

Oh, I am Malaysian, just that I spent most of my years in Singapore.
Okay, fine, I am NOT Malaysian. *grins*

Yeah I know, cos J****** told me.

Oh, so J is your friend?

Yeah, she's my housemate, actually. I saw you when you came to our house.


....I had a green facial mask on, remember?

OH! So it was you!!....

Yeah that was me.

Names were not revealed to protect people's privacy. =P
But seriously? I mean, even with all the green goop on my face (that was The Body Shop's Tea Tree Oil Facial Mask ok?), he said that I 'looked familiar'?

Thursday, November 27, 2008

random random

Sorry all, long hiatus again.
Since I have nothing much to say, allow me to ramble a bit. You can treat this as a filler post if you want.

1. I met Joseph Teoh in The Gardens today! I am so excited! Wahaha! Okay that was lame. but this Joseph guy is a writer for Harper's Bazaar, and he was also featured in one of their articles 2 months ago. He has amazing fashion sense(much better than Brendan's =P), and oh did i mention that he's absolutely cute too? *swoons* I have been nursing a secret crush on him ever since I saw that feature, I think he's just soooo perfect! =P (yeah I know my taste in idols is sorta weird, but still...) Anyway it was kinda a waste that I didn't go up to him to take a photo together since he was on the escalator down and we were on our way up. Sigh...

2. Twilight is finally out! and yeah we were in the Gardens to watch it today. I thought it was not bad, though it can get a lil cheesy and corny at some parts. I liked that the movie stuck to the book's storyline pretty well, but for those who haven't read it, the movie may seem a lil boring.. I do feel somewhat embarrassed for actually liking such a cheesy story, but hey, it's the stuff fairytales are made of! Think 英雄救美,lead guy with super powers, forbidden love...kick me for still loving such stuff at my age, but hey, a girl can still dream, eh? =)

3. And yes, criticism. I guess age has somewhat 'hardened' me, criticism doesn't affect me as much as it did when I was younger. People can give me advice, but whether I choose to believe and take it or not is entirely another matter. I'd like to think I'm mature enough to weigh the things people say to me in an objective manner, and to not let it affect me in a negative way. I love the way I am, and I have no plans to change that! I certainly do not live solely to please others. (don't worry my dear friend, I still love you okay? =P )

4. I am positively grateful for the lack of drama in my life. I like peace. Peace is good.

Till I have something more interesting to write about!


Thursday, November 13, 2008

tick tock

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

She looked at the pink clock hanging on her bedroom wall, and glanced around her princess-styled bedroom.
She remembered the time when she and her parents had just moved into this house.
Oh, how high hopes they had, to make a home out of the new house.
She remembered the day she came back from school,
how she could barely contain her excitement when her parents said they had a surprise for her,
and how she squealed with joy when she saw her new bedroom with all the new furniture!
the queen-sized bed with tall posters complete with a powder-pink fluffy comforter, a mauve wardrobe with sliding doors, and the little pink study table at one side.
And of course, she remembered seeing her parents, smiling with indulgence at their little girl's joy.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

She remembered the time when her parents threw a surprise party for her 10th birthday.
She remembered that her house was decorated according to a fairytale theme, with white cotton sprinkled with shiny glitter on the floor and couches, colourful ribbons hanging from the ceilings, and of course, all her classmates who were wearing white fairy wings on their backs.
She remembered how her father put a tiara studded with real crystals on her head, and told her she would always be the princess of his heart.
She remembered the diamond necklace her parents had bought for her birthday present,
oh, how it sparkled and shone!
but the thing shining even more brightly was her parents' smile and all their love.
And how lucky she felt to be born as their only daughter.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

She remembered the first time her father came home with lipstick on his collar.
She remembered standing outside her parents' room and hearing them scream at each other,
punctuated with her mother's crying and her father's occasional steely silences,
and the loud slap that followed.
She remembered she had walked slowly back to her room and lay down on her bed,
how she tried to close her eyes to forget the moment,
how she tried to muffle the sounds of her mother crying by pressing her pillow on her head,
how she realised, after a while, that her pillow was also wet.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

She remembered the day her father asked if she would like to live with him.
She remembered how she looked up at him, puzzled.
"But I'm already living with you."
The strange, almost forced smile her father gave her, that only added to her bewilderment.
The day when a man called 'Judge' decided that she should live with her mother. Only.
The day when she would see her father for the last time.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

She remembered how her mother began to drink.
How the bottles kept piling up in her bedroom,
how she would cry for hours on end,
how she always told her she hated 'that bastard'.
She remembered suddenly being poor,
how her mother never went to work, even after her father left.
how they had to rely on money from her father, which never came on time,
how she didn't even have money for meals, and had to ask her friends for it.
And of course, she remembered how her friends left her, one by one, when she could no longer invite them to parties and give them pretty things, until the day she sat alone in the school cafe for the very first time.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

She remembered the day she had her period for the first time.
She didn't even know it was her 'period'.
All she knew was, she was bleeding and bleeding.
She thought it was cancer, and she was going to die.
But she had no one to turn to for help.
Her mother was not around, she was never around.
So she cut up her old clothes and used it to soak up the blood, but it wouldn't stop.
She only knew that she wasn't going to die, when after a few days, she finally mustered the courage to ask her teacher if cancer made people bleed to death.
She remembered her relief, when her teacher told her the bleeding was part of being a girl.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

She remembered the day S came to her,
asked her if she would like a job 'entertaining men'.
She remembered her elation when she realised the money she made could support her mother and her, without having to rely on her father's money.
She remembered the first time, which was a little scary,
she didn't realise men liked to be 'entertained' this way.
But it wasn't a difficult job, and she needed the money,
and besides, her mother was never at home, and she wouldn't care anyway.
And how after a while, she learned to separate herself from her body during all those nights, convincing herself that things would soon be better.
And she remembered, the joy she felt when she could buy the things she wanted with the money she made herself, without having to beg her father for it.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

She remembered the day her mother came home, with a man by her side.
She told her she was getting married to him.
She remembered how the man looked at herself,
the look he gave her was exactly the same as the men she'd 'entertained'.
She remembered, when her mother went out of the room,
how he had tried to do the same things the men did to her.
She remembered how she'd told her mother about him and what he did,
but instead of confronting him, her mother screamed at her,
"You jealous, scheming, ungrateful child! Don't you dare to say such things about him! Ever!!"
And of course, she remembered the tight slap her mother gave her.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

She remembered the day S died.
She remembered seeing her becoming frailer and weaker, day after day.
How she had to stop work because the boss said "she would frighten the men away."
She remembered asking S what was her illness, but she never would tell her.
She remembered attending her funeral, and hearing the word 'AIDS' for the very first time.
That was when she realised that her job could make her die.
She remembered the day she went to the clinic for a checkup,
when the doctor told her she too, was going to die.
Maybe in 5 years, 10 years. the doctor couldn't be sure.
But what he was sure of, was the fact that it was going to be a slow and painful death.

That was when she made her decision.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

Slowly, she closed her eyes.
Her bloodied wrist fell to the bed she was lying on.


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

of being sick and being a (future) pharmacist

So yours truly was down with a 38C fever and diarrhoea yesterday.
It's been such a long time since I was sick, I almost forgot how horrible it felt to actually be sick!
The fever had me feeling as though my body was falling to pieces, literally, and I could only manage to down a cup of milo-kosong and a little fish and eggs during dinner the whole day.
And I slept the whole day, I couldn't even sit up for more than half and hour without having to lie down again.

But what was interesting was, despite how terrible I felt for the whole day, I actually managed to wake up at 11pm (I was sleeping, remember?) just in time to watch Forensic Heroes. Talk about drama addiction!

And somewhere in the day, I was lying down on the couch beside my grandma's chair, as I felt too weak to sit at the study table and I couldn't sleep in my upstairs bedroom as it was too warm. So there I was, half-dead (or so it seemed at that point) and trying to sleep, my dear grandma beside me was going like, you musn't wash your hair, you musn't bathe, you must drink more milk to get better (not! milk gives me indigestion, even more so when I'm sick), then launched into a detailed description of her illness, namely her inability to shit (from chronic laxative use), headaches, and leg pain. I mean, I know you must feel horrible from all those illnesses you suffer from, but couldn't you just let me sleep in peace when I'm sick? And me being the 'xiao bei' couldn't rebuke her and had to listen to her rant and rave..and felt even more like dying. Why can't my grandma be more like those doting ones out there? Why can't she just pat me and say something like, dear, just go to sleep, you'll be fine. Simple and to the point, and that would certainly make me feel less like dying. hmm.


So I was reading a few blogs written by angry and pissed off pharmacists, courtesy of chingyik's blog.

If being a pharmacist warrants me to put up with all those sh*t, I couldn't help thinking, I would much rather be a housewife than a pharmacist...
I mean, I actually like cleaning (my housemates will testify to this!) and I think I'd make a good cook if given a chance to learn, and I absolutely hate conflicts. Of any sort. The only thing I'm not so sure of is child-rearing. As it is for now, I have no intention to have more than one kid (if I do get married, god forbid...), and as a general rule, I don't like kids. Period.
Or maybe because the kids I have come across so far are the loud-mouthed, rambunctious, and typhoon-resembling sort......

Then again, maybe MY kids will be different. muahaha...

Anyway, speaking of kids, my heart really goes out to the children of the 2 neighbouring households around my home.

Both have equally bad-tempered and loud-mouthed (and sometimes, foul-mouthed) mothers, and the things they scream at their offspring would have mortified even a hard-cored adult, much more an innocent child.
And if you've noticed by now, the reason why I'm writing this is mainly because I can actually hear what they yell, clear to the core. And do bear in mind that both households are not directly beside my house, one is behind mine and a house away, the other is across the street and a few houses away to boot! These mothers must have a large lung capacity indeed...or maybe they have a lot of 丹田气...
I really pity those children though. It isn't their fault that they were born into such terrible households, and truthfully, I would put the blame squarely on the parents if their kids were to grow up into troubled teens (and adults!).

You know, sometimes when the going gets tough (ie. when I, erm, love my parents less than usual), I just have to look at these families to know I'm luckier than many people. =)

Friday, November 7, 2008

of parents, swearing, and my future

Hello everyone!

So how did you enjoy my short story? =)

As I'm typing this, a few things have happened.

1. I passed my Sem 4 EOS. *wheeee!!*
2. Obama is the new president of the States.
3. The parents have finally voiced their disapprovement of my swearing.
4. And mom has suggested for me to do my housemanship and work (forever?) in my hometown.

First things first.
Sem 4 EOS was no easy feat, mark my words. A few of my friends felt that Sem 3 was more difficult, but I personally feel I have struggled more this semester. After almost every paper I was convinced I'd fail the paper (much to the irritation of my besties!), but then again I passed!...... so I must have been wrong. I'd already tried to study consistently in Sem 4 but I still found Eos quite strenuous, so I guess I'll have to step up my efforts in Sem5! But then again I'm the sort who makes resolutions but never really keeps to them, so........sigh.

I haven't been really following the US presidential elections so far, I'd always thought it wasn't relly any of my business...but I have friends who would beg to differ! There was just one interesting thing I'd noted after Obama's win: our Malaysian leaders actually said that "it is just as possible for a person from a minority group in Malaysia to become the PM." Hmm....sounds encouraging, but as far as I know, in Malaysia, UMNO president=Malaysia PM, and only malays (obviously non-minorities) can be an UMNO member, so technically the good minister's view is not feasible....unless they change the rules, of course. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

And oh yes, the swearing. I must clarify that I do not use 'bad' words, my swearing only consists of the word sh*t, and nothing else. No b-words, no f-words, nothing. It's mainly a way for me to release my emotions especially during sports, and I do use the word occasionally in my normal life. I don't think it's wrong, I actually think it's good for my (mental) health since I don't like to throw temper tantrums, and my 'sh*tting' helps me to vent my anger in a 'proper' way. I'm not hurting anyone by doing that, am I? But then again I have been trying to cut down on the swearing, mainly because I know some people can't accept it, and it may make me seem like I'm someone I'm not. But somehow when the parents tell me off on this, I go all defensive and the interesting thing is, once they brought that up, I feel even more like swearing, just to irk them! Oh well, maybe I'm not past my rebellious stage yet?....maybe it's a sign I'm still young hahaha.

And of course, the last one. I know my parents have been almost expecting me to return to my hometown after I finish my studies to work for the government. In other words, I'd have to stay in my parents' house even after I graduate and theoretically become an adult! I know, it's sort of the right thing to do since I'm the only daughter and I'm supposed to be filial to them and all, but now that I've left home, I realised I really can't stay together with my parents for too long a period. They still treat me like a kid, and they still make my decisions (big and small) for me. I know it's a sign of their love, but hey, the fact is, I'm NOT a kid any longer. I mean, if I don't want to do something, people can't MAKE me do it, can they?...but as for my parents, I feel bad if I don't follow their instructions, and I feel bad if I give in to them as well! What's a girl to do?..

And besides if I do return to Ipoh after I graduate, that means what I'd be doing for the rest of my life would be to go to work, come home, sleep. That's it. No entertainment (my parents are adamantly against shopping and clubbing...even karaoke is frowned upon!), no dates (dad would probably beat the hell out of any guy who comes to pick me up from my house), nothing. Zilch. And what's more in such a small town my entertainment and god forbid, dating choices would be drastically reduced. In other words, my life would be reduced to one word: boring. And very possibly, mediocre. AND I DON'T WANT A LIFE LIKE THAT!!!

Or maybe I'm thinking too much. I?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

the letter (not the one from IMU!)

Anne looked at the unopened letter in her hands. The name on it, slightly familiar yet so strange, seemed to stare at her back in her face, as if challenging her to open it. It wasn't that she didn't want to, but she feared what might be contained in the letter.

It wasn't that long ago, was it?...
The event seemed to have happened just yesterday.
But it felt like an eternity.

She had wanted to forget, but the memories kept flooding back.

Many years ago...

Anne and Jenny were the best of friends. They met in primary school, and cliched as it may sound, they hit it off instantly, did everything together, shared all their secrets, and they lived blissfully in their own world, no one else could join in. Their personalities were by no mean alike. Jenny was the gregarious one, Anne, the quieter of the two. Perhaps it was because they complemented each other so well, the girls got along like a house on fire despite their differences. They even got into the same college in KL, which cemented their friendship further.

It was also at Jenny's 18th birthday party that Anne met Jake.

As a matter of fact, Anne had already known all about Jake long before she met him. Jake was Jenny's latest crush, and Jenny had spared no details telling Anne all about 'her wonderful Jake'. He was a transfer student, had came back to Malaysia after spending his teenage years in Melbourne, spoke with an Aussie twang, was captain of his basketball team back in high school. Jenny invited him to her party via a mutual friend, and Anne could see that she was certainly dressed to impress that night. And Anne could see that Jake was exactly what Jenny liked in a guy: tall, slightly tanned, sporty, outgoing, and absolutely cute to boot! However when she was introduced to him by Jenny, Anne felt that his reaction to Jenny was less than lukewarm. He even seemed to be a little embarrased by all her attentions. And it was Jenny who suggested that Anne take Jake to the garden for 'a little fresh air' while she attend to the other guests.

Somehow, Anne seemed to have made an impression on Jake that night, because the next day, he asked her out for a study date at the library. At first she didn't want to, fearing that Jenny might be mad at her, but surprisingly Jenny seemed to be okay with it. She even asked Anne to sing her praises more in front of Jake. Anne remembered thinking, how nice it must to be Jenny: rich, pretty, gorgeous body...everything was the opposite of herself. Not that Anne was ugly, the truth was far from that, but people would always notice Jenny before herself. Anne decided to play along, she thought she could talk about Jenny the whole time with Jake and he'll see what a great girl Jenny is, and perhaps he'll change his mind...

But surprisingly Anne and Jake 'clicked' together immediately. He loved classical works from Jane Austen, just like her, and he too preferred to relax with a good book instead of partying or clubbing the night away. And there was definitely chemistry. Anne felt herself falling in love with Jake, though the niggling voice at the back of her mind told her not to. And she was pretty sure Jake felt the same way about her. It wasn't long before they became a couple, much to the chagrin of Jenny, but she seemed to come around relatively quickly, and her friendship with Anne suffered no damage. Jenny gave her blessings to the couple, and Anne and Jake were blissfully happy together then.....

It was 6 months into the relationship when Anne got a call from Jake, asking to break up with her.

And the reason?
Jenny was pregnant with his child.
And they were going to marry in 2 weeks' time.

Anne remembered she had responded to the call very calmly. She didn't shout, she didn't cry, she just hung up, softly.

The first thing she did was to talk to her father.
She wanted a transfer.
And she got it.
Ironically, it was to a college in Melbourne, the exact same place Jake had stayed in for years.

She never contacted Jenny nor Jake since that day onwards. The betrayal was too deep for her to maintain any contact with them. She couldn't imagine how they got together. Perhaps Jake had been eyeing Jenny when he and Anne were still a couple? She didn't know. What she knew was, she had to get away. ASAP.

And got away she did.

Perhaps it was for the better that Jake left Anne, for 2 years later she met her future husband, the heir to an international logistics company. He was rich, no doubt, but he was also perfectly sweet, grounded, and responsible. And they loved each other for a year before they got married.

Anne was very happy in her marriage. She and her husband had 2 beautiful kids, and she even had her own fashion label, which enjoyed moderately successful sales from its launch. But she missed Jenny terribly all the time. They had been best of friends for years!

So why was she so afraid of them now? Of her memories?

And why was she so afraid of this letter?

She knew that her best friend had wronged her, but at the back of her mind, she knew she wanted to see her again in this lifetime. She was her best friend, after all.

So Anne opened the letter.

Dear Anne,

I can imagine your surprise when you receive this letter. It was by no easy means that I finally got your address. I know you have deliberately avoided me all these years, and I don't blame you. But Anne, today I must tell you the truth, or I will have no peace of mind.

Anne, do you remember why Jake and I married? He told you I was pregnant with his child, didn't he? My dearest Anne, I know how much that must have pained you. But I had no choice. Anne, the baby I was carrying wasn't Jake's at all. Until today I don't know who my son Tom's biological father is. It happened when I was walking back home from a party near my house. I thought I didn't have to take a cab, it was just a few streets away. But that was the biggest mistake in my life, and I regret it until this day.

Anne, I was raped on my way home.

It was Jake who found me in the small alleyway after the horrible incident. I begged him not to tell anyone, and he promised. But soon after that fateful day I realised I was pregnant. I told Jake, and for some reason he insisted on being 'responsible' for me. He wanted us to get married, and he promised he'll take care of the baby until it grows up. Until today I don't know why he decided to do as he did. Perhaps he felt responsible for not coming across me earlier that terrible day, perhaps he thought he himself could have prevented it. I don't know. But I was scared then, and besides I had always liked him, you know I did, Anne. So I succumbed. We decided to lie to you, I didn't want you to know what I had been through. I know you must have been devastated at that time. Believe me, I was almost torn apart by what I did to you. But I was young and scared then, Anne, I didn't know what else I could do.

The reason I'm writing this to you is because I have been diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer. The doctors say there is still hope, and Jake and I have been doing our very best to deal with the illness. But if anything were to happen, Anne, I just want you to know that we're very sorry for how things turned out. I hope you are well. God bless.


Anne stared at the letter for a long while.
The fluttering in her heart began to intensify to a consistent throb.
And slowly, the tears which she couldn't shed 20 years ago, finally fell.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Please leave me alone, I just want to be myself

...but normally, most people don't.
They pepper you with ideas and quirks of their own, and expect you to do, talk, and act the same way as them 'because it's the right way.'

And this spells trouble for me. Big trouble.
I'm the sort of person who tries to please everyone around myself. Even at my own expense, sometimes.
I want to keep the peace and make everyone happy by accomodating them as well as I can.
But sometimes, I just can't.

I too, have my own ideas and way of living.
I can't possibly be exactly like everyone, just to make people accept me.
I can't possibly be doing all the things people want me to do, just to make people like me.

And to a certain extent, this applies to my blog too.
I guess Wenchin was right, I do blog for others, more than for myself.
I write stuff I think people would like to read.
I feel happy when my readership increases. (who doesn't, anyway?)
But sometimes, I also want to blog about stuff that people don't like. Like emo stuff, or things that only I (and perhaps close friends) understand, and not the general public.

As for my friends...
You know, I actually left our KK trip thinking I'd pissed a friend off.
But then I realised it was not the case. So I'd been worrying all that while for nothing.
But then I thought, should I really worry so much even if I did do something that made my friend unhappy? Many people I know, wouldn't.

I think I have a fear of being rejected.
I'm the sort of person who is....socially retarded, if you want to put it that way.
I don't know what and when to say things that make me seem cool. That will make me a popular person
But it seems to me, everyone else knows how to do that. Except me.
So I always have reruns and reruns of conversations in my mind, long after it took place.
I'd think, oh I should have said this instead of that at that particular point, and I shouldn't have said that, it made me look stupid then.
(and yes, I am perfectly clear that having casual conversations taped in my mind is a stupid thing itself.)

But then I think, why do I want to say things to impress others?
Aren't true friends supposed to stick with each other through thick and thin (and silly conversations)?
The people that thought less of me because of what I said or how I acted, and didn't want me as a friend because of that, I'll just have to say, 我们今生注定没有缘分。

Because what defines us, is not what we say, what we do, or how we act, but who we are.

As for not conforming to people's expectations of me,
I reached my own conclusion on how to deal with it.
(how to translate?...erm, as long as what I do is deemed right by the gods and my conscience, I won't have any regrets even if I die.)
Okay, that was a little extreme. But you get what I mean.

I cannot expect everyone under the sun to like me.
And similarly, I won't be able to like everyone equally as well.

I am just trying my very best to live my life the best way I can.

And surely, no one can object to that.

Monday, October 27, 2008 last!

Day 1 (19th October, Sunday)

Our flight was at 9.30am, and the few of us were a lil' too beria-ria when we decided to book a taxi at 6am! The taxi driver was kind enough to let the 5 of us (me, wenchin, sinwee, jacq, jason) squeeze into his taxi to the airport.

three ^_^ and one =_=

We reached KK at 12-something. Took a taxi to the Marina apartments (where we'll be staying for the next 4 days) and got a few tips along the way on the popular local eateries and tourist destinations.

After unloading our luggage at the condo, all of a sudden our air-cond went off. At first I thought someone had switched it off but then we realised.......putus elektrik! Just our luck. And our first day at KK some more!

So we went out in search of food. And again realised.....the whole of KK seems to be in darkness. Even KFC was bathed in candlelight, and me forever being the kaypoh quickly asked Ken to come see, it was so much like our speed dating muahaha =P

But in the end we didn't go for romantic Kentucky Fried Chicken, instead we went for not-so-romantic Chicken rice.

We spent an uneventful afternoon walking around Warisan Square and the Handicraft Centre. Didn't manage to get anything, I felt the items were way overpriced...

At night we had a smashing seafood dinner at ...was is Port View restaurant? I can't really remember the name, only the also-smashing prices of the dishes. But it was close to our apartment and apparently the food is also good (as recommended by the locals), so we keraskan kulit kepala and went for it. And I daresay the food didn't disappoint! =) Although the bill came up to a slightly shocking amount, it was well worth it.

Back at the apartment, King Cheong proposed a game called 'changing names', in which each player has to choose a name for themselves, and then cards are distributed to all players consecutively then if you get the same card as another player you have to shout out his/her supposed name, and the first person to shout out the name wins. In the beginning we played safe and stuck to people's and animals' names and whatnots...then we started having some fun by using drug names wtf, wenchin was dazoxiben, waijane amprofillin(what was it anyway?!), I became moxonidine, Aiwui was hydrochlorothiazide, Yeanleeng chlorofluorothiazide.....Sinwee's and kingcheong's I can't remember. We had a field day shouting all these tougue-twisting drug names that round! What a pity we didn't do this before our DD exams, it'd have been a great way to remember funny-sounding drug names...

Day 2 (20th October, Monday)

White water rafting! Need I say more? =)
Boy, was it a loooong ride to the rafting site! Sinwee was super syok (sendiri) playing all her funny funny games while we almost pulled our hair out figuring out the answer..

still playing the bang bang game after we reached the rafting place lol....
sinwee's the one with the widest grin muahaha

I was actually quite nervous before going into the water, my heart was pounding like mad! I thought it was gonna be dangerous and I might die or something...

us listening to the pre-rafting briefing

And the fun began! =)

It was almost like riding a roller coaster on the river, sans tali pinggang! We were all sitting on the edge of the raft and could fall into the water quite easily. Initially we were all terrified of falling into the water and gripped on to the raft with our feet for dear life! And somewhere in the middle our guide did try to topple our raft, but we all very smart geh, immediately berkumpul in the centre of the raft so he couldn't topple us.

The trip was a lot of fun, really. Although Kiulu river (the one we went to) was only a Level 1 and 2 (easy for rafting standards), I felt it was sufficiently fun, but Andrew said it was not challenging enough! Fine then Andrew good luck with Padas ya...I hope you won't be sucked into the undercurrent muahaha =P

We had 'body rafting' as well, where a guide had us drifting down the rapids minus the raft..
yeah, that's me...still got time to pose while being washed down the river...

As we were reaching the end of the river, almost everyone felt that it was getting a lil too boring, so all of us sendiri jumped into the water! No photos for this deed though...

And we had the most amazing barbeque chicken wings after our rafting. Or perhaps a growling stomach would have made anything taste delicious!

At night we had seafood again at a different place (but just as expensive!)

Day 3 (21st October, Tuesday)
National park!

It took us 2.5 hours to reach the KK national Sinwee again had us in stitches with her games on the way....wanna sleep also cannot leh sigh.....=P

We stopped to buy some (insert name of fruit here, I can't remember it lol), apparently it's a local fruit, and boy it was quite amazing indeed! It tasted a lil like nangka but the flesh is softer and the fruit is smaller in size.

Then we had our first glimpse of the majestic Mount KK on our way....
...and stopped by Pekan Nabalu, a small village selling souvenirs and foodstuffs en route to the National park. I got my first souvenir from KK, a green wooden necklace! *happyhappy*
At the national park.....
The canopy walk was scary at the beginning, I was so terrified that I might lose my balance and fall to my death. Kayin was also almost as scared at first, but after a while she started bouncing up and down on the bridge, much to the terror of the rest of us!

The suspended bridge was held together only by ropes, wooden planks and metal ladders, and fishing nets lined the side of the bridge. With every step we took, the bridge swung from side to side, more so when the (heavier) guys stepped on it! So I quickly walked ahead of everyone to reach the final 看台, but then I sorta regretted it cos I'd missed out on the view along the bridge...what to do.....

shaking with fear inside, yet I can still pose.. lol

Off to Poring hot springs....
er, what was sinwee's bag doing in the photo?..

We couldn't manage to fill up our own 'tubs', so in the end we just soaked in the common pool, and it was hot indeed! I could only manage to put my feet in, but the guys mandi penuh leh! We even joked that once they did that, they wouldn't become fathers anymore cos all the, ahem, spermies would be killed by the hot hot spring water muahaha =P

Then we saw Jacky!

Yeah, not Jacky Cheong or Jackie Chan, but Jacky the orang utan! He's this 10-year-old fella who came to the national park with a few of his companions, but the rest of them died, leaving him alone in this big bad world of humans. He's really so much like a human, I could actually see that he was irritated with our presence, he was pursing his lips and 'fa lan zar' the way old people do sometimes. He also picked his nose in front of us then put his boogies in his mouth! And he could put on a shirt himself, refused our bananas when we offered them to him. I felt that he was so kesian, not having any friends or relatives to hang on and play with, and as he's quite old he can't really find food in the wilderness and has to come to the world of humans for a few scraps of food, and in return he has to be gawked at by all sorts of people and treated like...a thing instead of an actual being.

Then we were brought to a private botanical garden which planted mainly roses, roses, and roses!

And Sinwee got flowers from a (not so) secret admirer! =P

And we actually saw a super huge rafflesia!
okay, maybe not.

this is the route our poor batchmates had to follow to the top of Mt KK.
Day 4 (22nd October, Wednesday)

Manukan Island!
Basically this was like any other trip to an island where we did things people were supposed to do when they're at a beach, so I'll let the pictures do the talking.

We had breakfast at this place recommended by our tour guide Mr David.

Okay, now to the island.

poor chun wai....always kena bully by us muahaha

All the others went for the Flying Fish except me and Kayin. I felt it was a tad expensive (RM70 per person), so we went snorkelling instead.

At night we went to One Borneo. Classier than The Gardens, cheaper than Midvalley. =)

why siva like very pai seh liddat?....

Day 5 (23rd October, Thursday)

Our flight was at 3.45pm, so we walked around a bit before that...
at the waterfront with the leng lui-s =)

then they had coconut water near the handicraft centre

And thus ends our trip to KK. The end. =)

p/s: many photos posted here are stolen from friends' facebook accounts, the others are my own. special mention: a million thank you's to Doreen, who planned and booked everything for us on this trip, from the airtickets to the accomodation and the travel agent. Without you, our trip wouldn't have been possible. Cheers! =)

p/p/s: all the events of this trip was recounted entirely from memory, so if I've got any of the details or chronology of the events wrong, please leave me a comment and I'll correct it, okay? =)


You know you're at a chinese (wedding) dinner when...

1. You reach the restaurant by 7.45pm when the invitation card says 7.30pm, and the event only really starts at 8.15pm.

2. You realise there is not enough places to sit because some obscure relative of the bride or bridegroom decided to bring his/her whole family (including the 6 kids and Indonesian maid) and only gave one RM50 angpau to the newlyweds 'cos they're not that close to us'.

3. You will become very pek chek when you're giving a speech onstage because offstage, no one else is listening to you, instead they're all eating and giving their own 'speeches' at the top of their voices. And no, they won't stop even if you say something like “为了传承华人的传统美德,台上致词,台下肃静” and everyone still chatters away as before.

4. You see the bride (and sometimes the bridegroom as well) change clothes 4 or 5 times throughout the night, and each outfit is bigger and grander than the last. Oh, and all are bedecked with mountains and mountains of shiny sequins, just in case people can't see them amidst the crowd.

5. You (okay, more specifically, me) can't really get to drink any alcohol because the 'elders' at your table would give you seering looks if you so much as take a sip from the 'grown-up' glass of red wine containing a measly 12.5% alcohol.

6. You have to bear with the over-enthusiastic 'elders' as they take turns belting out tunes from the Zaman Batu (free karaoke lah!) onstage and manage to get the key and lyrics and timing wrong all at the same time, yet can continue singing for the whole song.

7. You see the (tired) newlyweds going to table by table and screaming YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM.........................................Seng! and schmoozing with all the people that came for their wedding when the truth is, they don't even know half of the people that came to eat their food and drink their liquor. (tip: to prevent getting a sore throat, all newlyweds should consider getting a 'YamSeng' team consisting of parents, loud-mouthed relatives or kind friends who happen to have a large lung capacity, so they can cover for you when you run out of ammo after yamseng-ing for 50 times consecutively.)

8. You get kaypoh relatives asking you for the umpteenth time, 'girl girl ar, when is your turn ah??' then after they find out you don't even have a boyfriend, 'harh?! you poor thing, must faster find one lor, if not old already no one will want you anymore...oh you know my sister-in-law's cousin's colleague's friend ar? very handsome one, accountant some more, make a lot of money, you want me to introduce ah?' (and this is my cue to go to the washroom.....quick!)

9. You realise there is always, always at least 10 courses for the dinner and shark fin's soup is always the 3rd course, and 百年好合always the last. And the dishes are never finished, the rest is either dumped or tapau-ed by other frugal people.

10. You always leave the restaurant at the end of the night vowing not to have this kind of wedding celebration for YOUR own wedding, yet in the end you always end up having this exact same sort of wedding dinner. Don't believe me? Then wait another 5 or 10 years and you'll see that I'm right. I always am. =P


Okay, I know I owe you guys my report of our KK trip, and it's been a few days since I came back, but I haven't really sorted out all the photos properly and think about what to write.....I'm considering to skip the photoshopping part of my editing process, and I still can't choose which photos to put here since the amount of photos I have with me (my own camera, friends' cameras, the rafting CD) is simply massive...though I reckon a few days would be enough....I think.

Stay tuned guys! =)


Thursday, October 16, 2008

the aftermath of eos

I'm back!!
I have risen from the ashes....after getting burnt and tortured by the monster by the name of EOS.

This time, the study material was getting a lil' out of hand....
Normally I don't need much motivation to study besides the sight of the exams looming right before my eyes.
But this time, it is Just. So. Difficult. to memorise everything in the syllabus!
One minute I memorise them, and the next, they go poof! into the thin air, away from my brain.
(or perhaps I need Ginkgo biloba supplements)
Especially for DD1.
*for the uninitiated, DD=Drugs and Disease.*
So as a last resort, I came to threatening myself:
"If I don't remember this, I'm gonna kill my patients with my knowledge (or the lack of it!) next time. Do I want that? No."
So off I go, to memorise everything in the module guide.
But still, it doesn't really work that well.
I realised some things were never meant to stay in my brain for more than 10minutes.
The rate of information leaking out of my brain is directly proportional to the time lapsed after the second I put them inside.
So I did the next best thing.
I forced myself to wake up (and yes, the fear of failing eos is good enough a fear factor to wake up a person at 6am who normally doesn't open her sleepy eyes till 11-something) to go through my DD stuff before the exams.
Thank goodness for that. At least I won't 死得那么难看。


But at a point when I was really at my wits' end after failing to remember some stupid drug name or mechanism, I started thinking, why do I have to put myself through this?! I mean, I can earn a living and give back to the society by other ways, besides being a (lowly-paid) pharmacist, don't I? I could perfectly well become an interior designer and design pretty spaces and make people happy, and I probably wouldn't need to study half as hard as I'm now. I'd still make money, and I'm doing the people a service as well! And besides, truth be told, I was never that keen on being a pharmacist anyway, my first career choices, being fashion designer and interior designer, were turned down flat by my parents, and it was through elimination that I finally decided to put 'pharmacy' in my JPA form. At that time I didn't think too much about it as I thought I was probably not gonna get the scholarship anyway, so I'll still have 2 more years (Form 6) to think about it, but as luck would have it, a windfall came my way, and to put it in a not-so-flattering manner, I'm stuck with being a (boring?) pharmacist for at least the next 30 years. Not that I'm complaining with the scholarship, but sometimes I'm blown away by the fact that in a year and a half's time, I'm going to have the knowledge to cure someone as well as to kill! It's really mind-blowing!

So why am I gonna become a pharmacist?
Until now, I haven't really arrived at a satisfactory answer for myself.

But for the time being,
I'm free!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!

Am heading for the land beneath the wind this Sunday with my batchmates. =)

Till then, I'm just gonna enjoy myself!
And that, as all girls know, is SHOPPING!!! =P


*btw, ah ken's most recent post on how our eos resembles movies is just sooo gaddamm funny! I nearly shit my pants from laughing too much at that post. =P Go read go read!


Wednesday, October 8, 2008

spider watching and magic mushrooms

It's 2am in the morning and I'm taking a break from studying....

by watching a spider spin its web to trap an unknown insect (its food).

The 2 creatures just dropped on my study table from nowhere. Then the smart spider started dancing back and forth between my lamp and edge of my laptop (both within 10cm of each other). At first I thought what the heck was it doing (cos I can't see the web obviously) then only I realised, oh it's trapping the insect inside a cocoon! So that it can eat it! wtf I'm dumb okay, my natural sciences was never good to begin with...

So here I am, watching the spider dancing, dancing, and dancing...

In an obscene way it seems like the spider is having sex with the poor insect, cos the spider kept 'thrusting' its butt (sorry I don't know the correct anatomical word for that part of its body) in and out, and super fast can! Then suddenly the insect was lifted off the table and hanging in the air (with the support of the invisible net). I expected the spider to stay and digest its food, but somehow it went somewhere. I hope it didn't drop on my bed. (it's right behind my laptop!)

So the compassionate me *ahem* was debating whether to help the spider or the insect, which could be done as easily as moving my laptop away from its position. But then I thought oh well the spider has put in so much effort in spinning the cocoon so maybe I should just let it have its meal first then only put my laptop away or something. But where is the spider?..

Then suddenly the 'bound' insect started shivering, and I thought it was having spasms or something. (yeah I'm dumb, okay?) Then I saw the insect trying to unfold its legs from the cocoon, and with a lot of effort. After a while it succeeded, dropped from the cocoon and walked away. Just like that. And I thought the insect was dead when the spider caught it cos it wasn't moving at all. Maybe the spider injected something like general anaesthesia into the insect before it spun its cocoon?..I really have no idea. Maybe I'll google that up someday.

So the insect managed to escape from being eaten, and the spider has to wait for another insect to come its way. Which is quite seldom, assuming the spider lives in my room. It will probably have to starve itself for another, I don't know, 2 months?

The end.


So I came across this scientific name of magic mushrooms in our Health Promo module guide.

Psilocybe semilanceata.

And I thought of a brilliant way to remember it! (not that we have to...I think..)

是咯sibeh semi-lansi-呀他。
Psilocybe semilanceata.

Brilliant, no? =P
This is what happens when one studies too much of dry, dry, and drier stuff.


Sunday, October 5, 2008


So I was browsing through profiles on facebook, and came across an old friend’s.

I can’t say we were really close, but we came into each other’s lives a long time kindergarten if I’m not mistaken.

And I was looking at the photos, including a few that was of a group of my friends in high school (including her).

And it struck me.

No matter how it may seem now, nothing is permanent.

Everything, and everyone, continues to change. And nothing can stop it.

(yes, not even SKII will stop the increasing number of wrinkles on one’s face…not that I have any yet though )

It seemed like such a long time ago, when we were barely in our teens, frolicking in the class and bitching about the teachers. At that time, the most important thing in our lives seemed to be centered on getting more than 90marks for our monthly tests, decorating the class noticeboard (to win the weekly deco prize), and figuring out how to wear our hair without being ‘kena tangkap’ by the prefects.

For me, I had another thing to worry about, in extension from the list: To ‘get into’ a group of friends. A clique, in other words. But that’s another story for another day, if I’m in the mood…

And yes, I had a soft spot for prefects, and I was forever having ‘crushes’ on them. Especially when I was in my early secondary school years. And yes, those prefects are girls, like me. =)

(For those from co-ed schools, in girls schools like mine, same-sex crushes are much more common than you think.)

I remember eagerly awaiting them to come patrol our class after recess, and stole many glances at them, their ‘wei feng-ness’, how they walked, how they talked, and secretly aspired to be exactly like them ‘when I grow up’.

But for the record, I supposed that didn’t really work, I don’t think I managed to emulate them in the end..I am still my own goofy self, forever stumbling over things…..and my words, to my embarrassment.

So back to my friends. I realised all of them have changed soooo much since our (nerdy) schooldays. Ok, maybe some of them were not really nerdy, but hey, look at them now! I mean, we actually look like a bunch of 20-year-olds! Bizarre as it sounds, my schoolday friends will forever remain in my mind as teen-aged. Definitely not what I see now: gorgeous long tumbling locks of hair (permed and dyed, no doubt), pretty makeup and clothes, and most of all, the looks on each of their faces seem to tell a different life story.

And it still surprises me to see that they have actually kept in close contact after all these years. Granted, friendship should not stop the moment we stop seeing each other everyday, but somehow I seemed to have lost contact with them since the last day of SPM, when I stepped out of high school and never looked back. It didn't help that I went to study in a college where none of my schoolmates had even heard of, and away from home to boot! And it has also occurred to me that I have been subconsciously trying to push my memories of high school to the back of my mind the minute I learnt I got into the college. My days in high school, though not horrible to the extent of me calling in sick just to escape going to class, but they weren't exactly....deliriously happy either. I don't really know how to explain it. I had nice friends, my teachers liked me, and I was performing relatively well in school, but somehow, I wasn't happy.

When I started college with a completely new bunch of friends, I actually feel that I'm...happy. Satisfied, maybe. Really, I felt happier since college, and now that I'm in uni, the happiness is still there. Although I'm struggling a little with my studies, more than in high school, and I'm living away from my hometown, I still feel happy.

Anyway. Then I browsed through my old friends' profiles, realised that many of them are 'in a relationship', some of them started working (already!), and some of them were adjusting happily in another country, and all of us involved in different fields of study or careers. I mean, who'd
have thought we'd come this far, when we were still in our school uniforms?

Oh well. That's a lot of stuff about nothing, essentially.
Just thought I had to blow off some steam from 2 weeks of continuous studying and cramming lots of funny drug names in brain.
Bloggin is therapeutic. Really. =)

Hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in another post before the semester finals.

Till then!