Saturday, January 30, 2010

do you do this?

It's surprising how most of us treat the ones we love most, the worst.

I have come to realise this ever since my parents came to Glasgow to visit, and my housemates had a simple but profound observation:

I was much more polite to my housemates and friends than I was to my parents.

I didn't quite believe it at first. I even tried to justify it by thinking that it was normal, that I've spoken to them in this way my whole life, and this was just the way we communicated. I was in denial.

But after giving it some thought (okay, make it a LOT of thought), I realised it was true.

I realised that I'd always had this misconception that I had to treat my friends good because, well, they're my friends and if I'm nasty to them, they would take off in no time, simply because they can!

But my parents are, well, my parents and we're obliged to love each other no matter what horrible things we do or whatever awful things we say.

I always felt that my parents would always be there for me, and there was no need to 'suck up' to them because they would love me for who I am, because I'm their one and only daughter.

Having said that, by no means I'm saying that I suck up to my friends. I just have to hold my tongue many a time when I know that saying it would make them annoyed, or angry. (but sometimes I still slip off the edge and say stuff I was not supposed to say. I believe my 'straight guts' have offended many a friend sometimes...)

When I have issues, or when I'm sad, I offload to my parents. I dump my bad feelings and emotions on them because I know I can. I know I won't have to worry about them thinking badly of me because if they're not there for me when I need it, who else will be?

When I'm annoyed or angry, I am not afraid to show my parents how I really feel, because I know I will not be judged. I know some of my friends have said that I 'have no temper' but it's just because I prefer to keep things nice and sunny between friends. I don't like confrontations because I know once there has been just one, things will never be the same again. (but then again I must say that my friends are an awesome bunch of people, and there has never been situations where I was truly mad at them, touchwood. =P You people know I love you.)

What my normal friends and acquaintances see is the sunny side of me. What the people close to me see, is the whole package, the flaws, the temper, and of course the smiles. Most of the time it's just the smiles, because I don't get upset or angry often, but you can be sure that when I am, the people close to me will see the bad part of me.

So does that make me a bad person? If we truly love the people close to us shouldn't the situation be reversed? Let them see the sunny side, keep them happy and show the bad side to people who are not close to us? Since love is supposed to make people happy and not to upset or burden them further.

But then again, isn't love about 'in sickness or health, for better or worse'? We love people because we love them for who they are, warts and all. Not because they are nice to us, buy us things or give us money.

Another thought I had was that if we truly loved the people we claimed to, we would keep our sorry side to ourselves and show only the happy and nice side of ourselves to them. I mean, they would certainly be happier (without our emo-ness and issues and burdens) and if they're happy, wouldn't that make us happy as well?

So does that mean, in a nutshell, that the 'bad' side of ourselves can only be kept hidden in our hearts, never to see the light of the day?

I don't know.

But I am constantly trying to treat my parents and close friends as well as I possibly can. I know that if I tell them something or do stuff that is going to hurt them, I''d prefer not to say that if I can. I mean, I would want to feel happy when I'm around them, so why not vice versa?

I don't know if this is feasible in the real world. I mean, I would probably still need to complain to my parents once in a while to keep my sanity, and there will be times when I slip and hurt them just that bit. But I can try to keep those to a minimum, can't I?

After all, that's what love is all about anyway.


Jun Xian said...

So THAT'S why you treat me so terribly badly!