Please leave me alone, I just want to be myself

...but normally, most people don't.
They pepper you with ideas and quirks of their own, and expect you to do, talk, and act the same way as them 'because it's the right way.'

And this spells trouble for me. Big trouble.
I'm the sort of person who tries to please everyone around myself. Even at my own expense, sometimes.
I want to keep the peace and make everyone happy by accomodating them as well as I can.
But sometimes, I just can't.

I too, have my own ideas and way of living.
I can't possibly be exactly like everyone, just to make people accept me.
I can't possibly be doing all the things people want me to do, just to make people like me.

And to a certain extent, this applies to my blog too.
I guess Wenchin was right, I do blog for others, more than for myself.
I write stuff I think people would like to read.
I feel happy when my readership increases. (who doesn't, anyway?)
But sometimes, I also want to blog about stuff that people don't like. Like emo stuff, or things that only I (and perhaps close friends) understand, and not the general public.

As for my friends...
You know, I actually left our KK trip thinking I'd pissed a friend off.
But then I realised it was not the case. So I'd been worrying all that while for nothing.
But then I thought, should I really worry so much even if I did do something that made my friend unhappy? Many people I know, wouldn't.

I think I have a fear of being rejected.
I'm the sort of person who is....socially retarded, if you want to put it that way.
I don't know what and when to say things that make me seem cool. That will make me a popular person
But it seems to me, everyone else knows how to do that. Except me.
So I always have reruns and reruns of conversations in my mind, long after it took place.
I'd think, oh I should have said this instead of that at that particular point, and I shouldn't have said that, it made me look stupid then.
(and yes, I am perfectly clear that having casual conversations taped in my mind is a stupid thing itself.)

But then I think, why do I want to say things to impress others?
Aren't true friends supposed to stick with each other through thick and thin (and silly conversations)?
The people that thought less of me because of what I said or how I acted, and didn't want me as a friend because of that, I'll just have to say, 我们今生注定没有缘分。

Because what defines us, is not what we say, what we do, or how we act, but who we are.


As for not conforming to people's expectations of me,
I reached my own conclusion on how to deal with it.
只要我对得起天地良心，我死而无憾。
(how to translate?...erm, as long as what I do is deemed right by the gods and my conscience, I won't have any regrets even if I die.)
Okay, that was a little extreme. But you get what I mean.

I cannot expect everyone under the sun to like me.
And similarly, I won't be able to like everyone equally as well.

I am just trying my very best to live my life the best way I can.

And surely, no one can object to that.

KK........at last!

Day 1 (19th October, Sunday)

Our flight was at 9.30am, and the few of us were a lil' too beria-ria when we decided to book a taxi at 6am! The taxi driver was kind enough to let the 5 of us (me, wenchin, sinwee, jacq, jason) squeeze into his taxi to the airport.

three ^_^ and one =_=

We reached KK at 12-something. Took a taxi to the Marina apartments (where we'll be staying for the next 4 days) and got a few tips along the way on the popular local eateries and tourist destinations.

After unloading our luggage at the condo, all of a sudden our air-cond went off. At first I thought someone had switched it off but then we realised.......putus elektrik! Just our luck. And our first day at KK some more!

So we went out in search of food. And again realised.....the whole of KK seems to be in darkness. Even KFC was bathed in candlelight, and me forever being the kaypoh quickly asked Ken to come see, it was so much like our speed dating muahaha =P

But in the end we didn't go for romantic Kentucky Fried Chicken, instead we went for not-so-romantic Chicken rice.

Then....
We spent an uneventful afternoon walking around Warisan Square and the Handicraft Centre. Didn't manage to get anything, I felt the items were way overpriced...

At night we had a smashing seafood dinner at ...was is Port View restaurant? I can't really remember the name, only the also-smashing prices of the dishes. But it was close to our apartment and apparently the food is also good (as recommended by the locals), so we keraskan kulit kepala and went for it. And I daresay the food didn't disappoint! =) Although the bill came up to a slightly shocking amount, it was well worth it.

Back at the apartment, King Cheong proposed a game called 'changing names', in which each player has to choose a name for themselves, and then cards are distributed to all players consecutively then if you get the same card as another player you have to shout out his/her supposed name, and the first person to shout out the name wins. In the beginning we played safe and stuck to people's and animals' names and whatnots...then we started having some fun by using drug names wtf, wenchin was dazoxiben, waijane amprofillin(what was it anyway?!), I became moxonidine, Aiwui was hydrochlorothiazide, Yeanleeng chlorofluorothiazide.....Sinwee's and kingcheong's I can't remember. We had a field day shouting all these tougue-twisting drug names that round! What a pity we didn't do this before our DD exams, it'd have been a great way to remember funny-sounding drug names...


Day 2 (20th October, Monday)

White water rafting! Need I say more? =)
Boy, was it a loooong ride to the rafting site! Sinwee was super syok (sendiri) playing all her funny funny games while we almost pulled our hair out figuring out the answer..

still playing the bang bang game after we reached the rafting place lol....
sinwee's the one with the widest grin muahaha

I was actually quite nervous before going into the water, my heart was pounding like mad! I thought it was gonna be dangerous and I might die or something...

us listening to the pre-rafting briefing

And the fun began! =)

It was almost like riding a roller coaster on the river, sans tali pinggang! We were all sitting on the edge of the raft and could fall into the water quite easily. Initially we were all terrified of falling into the water and gripped on to the raft with our feet for dear life! And somewhere in the middle our guide did try to topple our raft, but we all very smart geh, immediately berkumpul in the centre of the raft so he couldn't topple us.

The trip was a lot of fun, really. Although Kiulu river (the one we went to) was only a Level 1 and 2 (easy for rafting standards), I felt it was sufficiently fun, but Andrew said it was not challenging enough! Fine then Andrew good luck with Padas ya...I hope you won't be sucked into the undercurrent muahaha =P

We had 'body rafting' as well, where a guide had us drifting down the rapids minus the raft..

yeah, that's me...still got time to pose while being washed down the river...

As we were reaching the end of the river, almost everyone felt that it was getting a lil too boring, so all of us sendiri jumped into the water! No photos for this deed though...

And we had the most amazing barbeque chicken wings after our rafting. Or perhaps a growling stomach would have made anything taste delicious!


At night we had seafood again at a different place (but just as expensive!)

Day 3 (21st October, Tuesday)
National park!

It took us 2.5 hours to reach the KK national park....so Sinwee again had us in stitches with her games on the way....wanna sleep also cannot leh sigh.....=P

We stopped to buy some (insert name of fruit here, I can't remember it lol), apparently it's a local fruit, and boy it was quite amazing indeed! It tasted a lil like nangka but the flesh is softer and the fruit is smaller in size.

Then we had our first glimpse of the majestic Mount KK on our way....

...and stopped by Pekan Nabalu, a small village selling souvenirs and foodstuffs en route to the National park. I got my first souvenir from KK, a green wooden necklace! *happyhappy*

At the national park.....
The canopy walk was scary at the beginning, I was so terrified that I might lose my balance and fall to my death. Kayin was also almost as scared at first, but after a while she started bouncing up and down on the bridge, much to the terror of the rest of us!

The suspended bridge was held together only by ropes, wooden planks and metal ladders, and fishing nets lined the side of the bridge. With every step we took, the bridge swung from side to side, more so when the (heavier) guys stepped on it! So I quickly walked ahead of everyone to reach the final 看台, but then I sorta regretted it cos I'd missed out on the view along the bridge...what to do.....

shaking with fear inside, yet I can still pose.. lol


Off to Poring hot springs....
er, what was sinwee's bag doing in the photo?..

We couldn't manage to fill up our own 'tubs', so in the end we just soaked in the common pool, and it was hot indeed! I could only manage to put my feet in, but the guys mandi penuh leh! We even joked that once they did that, they wouldn't become fathers anymore cos all the, ahem, spermies would be killed by the hot hot spring water muahaha =P

Then we saw Jacky!

Yeah, not Jacky Cheong or Jackie Chan, but Jacky the orang utan! He's this 10-year-old fella who came to the national park with a few of his companions, but the rest of them died, leaving him alone in this big bad world of humans. He's really so much like a human, I could actually see that he was irritated with our presence, he was pursing his lips and 'fa lan zar' the way old people do sometimes. He also picked his nose in front of us then put his boogies in his mouth! And he could put on a shirt himself, refused our bananas when we offered them to him. I felt that he was so kesian, not having any friends or relatives to hang on and play with, and as he's quite old he can't really find food in the wilderness and has to come to the world of humans for a few scraps of food, and in return he has to be gawked at by all sorts of people and treated like...a thing instead of an actual being.

Then we were brought to a private botanical garden which planted mainly roses, roses, and roses!

And Sinwee got flowers from a (not so) secret admirer! =P


And we actually saw a super huge rafflesia!
.
.
.
.
.
.
okay, maybe not.

this is the route our poor batchmates had to follow to the top of Mt KK.

Day 4 (22nd October, Wednesday)

Manukan Island!
Basically this was like any other trip to an island where we did things people were supposed to do when they're at a beach, so I'll let the pictures do the talking.

We had breakfast at this place recommended by our tour guide Mr David.

Okay, now to the island.

poor chun wai....always kena bully by us muahaha

All the others went for the Flying Fish except me and Kayin. I felt it was a tad expensive (RM70 per person), so we went snorkelling instead.


At night we went to One Borneo. Classier than The Gardens, cheaper than Midvalley. =)

why siva like very pai seh liddat?....

Day 5 (23rd October, Thursday)

Our flight was at 3.45pm, so we walked around a bit before that...

at the waterfront with the leng lui-s =)

then they had coconut water near the handicraft centre

And thus ends our trip to KK. The end. =)


p/s: many photos posted here are stolen from friends' facebook accounts, the others are my own. special mention: a million thank you's to Doreen, who planned and booked everything for us on this trip, from the airtickets to the accomodation and the travel agent. Without you, our trip wouldn't have been possible. Cheers! =)

p/p/s: all the events of this trip was recounted entirely from memory, so if I've got any of the details or chronology of the events wrong, please leave me a comment and I'll correct it, okay? =)

xoxo

You know you're at a chinese (wedding) dinner when...

1. You reach the restaurant by 7.45pm when the invitation card says 7.30pm, and the event only really starts at 8.15pm.

2. You realise there is not enough places to sit because some obscure relative of the bride or bridegroom decided to bring his/her whole family (including the 6 kids and Indonesian maid) and only gave one RM50 angpau to the newlyweds 'cos they're not that close to us'.

3. You will become very pek chek when you're giving a speech onstage because offstage, no one else is listening to you, instead they're all eating and giving their own 'speeches' at the top of their voices. And no, they won't stop even if you say something like “为了传承华人的传统美德，台上致词，台下肃静” and everyone still chatters away as before.

4. You see the bride (and sometimes the bridegroom as well) change clothes 4 or 5 times throughout the night, and each outfit is bigger and grander than the last. Oh, and all are bedecked with mountains and mountains of shiny sequins, just in case people can't see them amidst the crowd.

5. You (okay, more specifically, me) can't really get to drink any alcohol because the 'elders' at your table would give you seering looks if you so much as take a sip from the 'grown-up' glass of red wine containing a measly 12.5% alcohol.

6. You have to bear with the over-enthusiastic 'elders' as they take turns belting out tunes from the Zaman Batu (free karaoke lah!) onstage and manage to get the key and lyrics and timing wrong all at the same time, yet can continue singing for the whole song.

7. You see the (tired) newlyweds going to table by table and screaming YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM.........................................Seng! and schmoozing with all the people that came for their wedding when the truth is, they don't even know half of the people that came to eat their food and drink their liquor. (tip: to prevent getting a sore throat, all newlyweds should consider getting a 'YamSeng' team consisting of parents, loud-mouthed relatives or kind friends who happen to have a large lung capacity, so they can cover for you when you run out of ammo after yamseng-ing for 50 times consecutively.)

8. You get kaypoh relatives asking you for the umpteenth time, 'girl girl ar, when is your turn ah??' then after they find out you don't even have a boyfriend, 'harh?! you poor thing, must faster find one lor, if not old already no one will want you anymore...oh you know my sister-in-law's cousin's colleague's friend ar? very handsome one, accountant some more, make a lot of money, you want me to introduce ah?' (and this is my cue to go to the washroom.....quick!)

9. You realise there is always, always at least 10 courses for the dinner and shark fin's soup is always the 3rd course, and 百年好合always the last. And the dishes are never finished, the rest is either dumped or tapau-ed by other frugal people.

10. You always leave the restaurant at the end of the night vowing not to have this kind of wedding celebration for YOUR own wedding, yet in the end you always end up having this exact same sort of wedding dinner. Don't believe me? Then wait another 5 or 10 years and you'll see that I'm right. I always am. =P


+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+

Okay, I know I owe you guys my report of our KK trip, and it's been a few days since I came back, but I haven't really sorted out all the photos properly and think about what to write.....I'm considering to skip the photoshopping part of my editing process, and I still can't choose which photos to put here since the amount of photos I have with me (my own camera, friends' cameras, the rafting CD) is simply massive...though I reckon a few days would be enough....I think.

Stay tuned guys! =)


xoxo

the aftermath of eos

I'm back!!
I have risen from the ashes....after getting burnt and tortured by the monster by the name of EOS.

This time, the study material was getting a lil' out of hand....
Normally I don't need much motivation to study besides the sight of the exams looming right before my eyes.
But this time, it is Just. So. Difficult. to memorise everything in the syllabus!
One minute I memorise them, and the next, they go poof! into the thin air, away from my brain.
(or perhaps I need Ginkgo biloba supplements)
Especially for DD1.
*for the uninitiated, DD=Drugs and Disease.*
So as a last resort, I came to threatening myself:
"If I don't remember this, I'm gonna kill my patients with my knowledge (or the lack of it!) next time. Do I want that? No."
So off I go, to memorise everything in the module guide.
But still, it doesn't really work that well.
I realised some things were never meant to stay in my brain for more than 10minutes.
The rate of information leaking out of my brain is directly proportional to the time lapsed after the second I put them inside.
So I did the next best thing.
I forced myself to wake up (and yes, the fear of failing eos is good enough a fear factor to wake up a person at 6am who normally doesn't open her sleepy eyes till 11-something) to go through my DD stuff before the exams.
Thank goodness for that. At least I won't 死得那么难看。

。。。希望不会啦。


But at a point when I was really at my wits' end after failing to remember some stupid drug name or mechanism, I started thinking, why do I have to put myself through this?! I mean, I can earn a living and give back to the society by other ways, besides being a (lowly-paid) pharmacist, don't I? I could perfectly well become an interior designer and design pretty spaces and make people happy, and I probably wouldn't need to study half as hard as I'm now. I'd still make money, and I'm doing the people a service as well! And besides, truth be told, I was never that keen on being a pharmacist anyway, my first career choices, being fashion designer and interior designer, were turned down flat by my parents, and it was through elimination that I finally decided to put 'pharmacy' in my JPA form. At that time I didn't think too much about it as I thought I was probably not gonna get the scholarship anyway, so I'll still have 2 more years (Form 6) to think about it, but as luck would have it, a windfall came my way, and to put it in a not-so-flattering manner, I'm stuck with being a (boring?) pharmacist for at least the next 30 years. Not that I'm complaining with the scholarship, but sometimes I'm blown away by the fact that in a year and a half's time, I'm going to have the knowledge to cure someone as well as to kill! It's really mind-blowing!

So why am I gonna become a pharmacist?
Until now, I haven't really arrived at a satisfactory answer for myself.

But for the time being,
I'm free!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!

Am heading for the land beneath the wind this Sunday with my batchmates. =)

Till then, I'm just gonna enjoy myself!
And that, as all girls know, is SHOPPING!!! =P

lalala......



*btw, ah ken's most recent post on how our eos resembles movies is just sooo gaddamm funny! I nearly shit my pants from laughing too much at that post. =P Go read go read!



xoxo

spider watching and magic mushrooms

It's 2am in the morning and I'm taking a break from studying....

by watching a spider spin its web to trap an unknown insect (its food).

The 2 creatures just dropped on my study table from nowhere. Then the smart spider started dancing back and forth between my lamp and edge of my laptop (both within 10cm of each other). At first I thought what the heck was it doing (cos I can't see the web obviously) then only I realised, oh it's trapping the insect inside a cocoon! So that it can eat it! wtf I'm dumb okay, my natural sciences was never good to begin with...

So here I am, watching the spider dancing, dancing, and dancing...

In an obscene way it seems like the spider is having sex with the poor insect, cos the spider kept 'thrusting' its butt (sorry I don't know the correct anatomical word for that part of its body) in and out, and super fast can! Then suddenly the insect was lifted off the table and hanging in the air (with the support of the invisible net). I expected the spider to stay and digest its food, but somehow it went somewhere. I hope it didn't drop on my bed. (it's right behind my laptop!)

So the compassionate me *ahem* was debating whether to help the spider or the insect, which could be done as easily as moving my laptop away from its position. But then I thought oh well the spider has put in so much effort in spinning the cocoon so maybe I should just let it have its meal first then only put my laptop away or something. But where is the spider?..

Then suddenly the 'bound' insect started shivering, and I thought it was having spasms or something. (yeah I'm dumb, okay?) Then I saw the insect trying to unfold its legs from the cocoon, and with a lot of effort. After a while it succeeded, dropped from the cocoon and walked away. Just like that. And I thought the insect was dead when the spider caught it cos it wasn't moving at all. Maybe the spider injected something like general anaesthesia into the insect before it spun its cocoon?..I really have no idea. Maybe I'll google that up someday.

So the insect managed to escape from being eaten, and the spider has to wait for another insect to come its way. Which is quite seldom, assuming the spider lives in my room. It will probably have to starve itself for another, I don't know, 2 months?

The end.

+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+

So I came across this scientific name of magic mushrooms in our Health Promo module guide.

Psilocybe semilanceata.

And I thought of a brilliant way to remember it! (not that we have to...I think..)

是咯sibeh semi-lansi-呀他。
Psilocybe semilanceata.

Brilliant, no? =P
This is what happens when one studies too much of dry, dry, and drier stuff.


xoxo

Nostalgia……

So I was browsing through profiles on facebook, and came across an old friend’s.

I can’t say we were really close, but we came into each other’s lives a long time ago..in kindergarten if I’m not mistaken.

And I was looking at the photos, including a few that was of a group of my friends in high school (including her).

And it struck me.

No matter how it may seem now, nothing is permanent.

Everything, and everyone, continues to change. And nothing can stop it.

(yes, not even SKII will stop the increasing number of wrinkles on one’s face…not that I have any yet though )

It seemed like such a long time ago, when we were barely in our teens, frolicking in the class and bitching about the teachers. At that time, the most important thing in our lives seemed to be centered on getting more than 90marks for our monthly tests, decorating the class noticeboard (to win the weekly deco prize), and figuring out how to wear our hair without being ‘kena tangkap’ by the prefects.

For me, I had another thing to worry about, in extension from the list: To ‘get into’ a group of friends. A clique, in other words. But that’s another story for another day, if I’m in the mood…

And yes, I had a soft spot for prefects, and I was forever having ‘crushes’ on them. Especially when I was in my early secondary school years. And yes, those prefects are girls, like me. =)

(For those from co-ed schools, in girls schools like mine, same-sex crushes are much more common than you think.)

I remember eagerly awaiting them to come patrol our class after recess, and stole many glances at them, their ‘wei feng-ness’, how they walked, how they talked, and secretly aspired to be exactly like them ‘when I grow up’.

But for the record, I supposed that didn’t really work, I don’t think I managed to emulate them in the end..I am still my own goofy self, forever stumbling over things…..and my words, to my embarrassment.

So back to my friends. I realised all of them have changed soooo much since our (nerdy) schooldays. Ok, maybe some of them were not really nerdy, but hey, look at them now! I mean, we actually look like a bunch of 20-year-olds! Bizarre as it sounds, my schoolday friends will forever remain in my mind as teen-aged. Definitely not what I see now: gorgeous long tumbling locks of hair (permed and dyed, no doubt), pretty makeup and clothes, and most of all, the looks on each of their faces seem to tell a different life story.

And it still surprises me to see that they have actually kept in close contact after all these years. Granted, friendship should not stop the moment we stop seeing each other everyday, but somehow I seemed to have lost contact with them since the last day of SPM, when I stepped out of high school and never looked back. It didn't help that I went to study in a college where none of my schoolmates had even heard of, and away from home to boot! And it has also occurred to me that I have been subconsciously trying to push my memories of high school to the back of my mind the minute I learnt I got into the college. My days in high school, though not horrible to the extent of me calling in sick just to escape going to class, but they weren't exactly....deliriously happy either. I don't really know how to explain it. I had nice friends, my teachers liked me, and I was performing relatively well in school, but somehow, I wasn't happy.

When I started college with a completely new bunch of friends, I actually feel that I'm...happy. Satisfied, maybe. Really, I felt happier since college, and now that I'm in uni, the happiness is still there. Although I'm struggling a little with my studies, more than in high school, and I'm living away from my hometown, I still feel happy.

Anyway. Then I browsed through my old friends' profiles, realised that many of them are 'in a relationship', some of them started working (already!), and some of them were adjusting happily in another country, and all of us involved in different fields of study or careers. I mean, who'd
have thought we'd come this far, when we were still in our school uniforms?


Oh well. That's a lot of stuff about nothing, essentially.
Just thought I had to blow off some steam from 2 weeks of continuous studying and cramming lots of funny drug names in brain.
Bloggin is therapeutic. Really. =)

Hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in another post before the semester finals.

Till then!

xoxo