Everything is just a concept

Have you ever wondered what makes something good and another, bad?

It's all a matter of concept.

It's fascinating to me how a person's concept of the world can differ so radically from another.
In fact, what makes our reality, is how we view the world.

If you think the whole world is out to get you, then yes, sad to say, the people you meet would be waiting and pouncing to take advantage of you whenever they can.

If you think the whole world is better than you and looks down on you, then the people you meet would be those who stomp on you and put you down at every chance you get.

If you think the whole world is unfair, then all you can see would be the unfairness and inequality in the world.

Problem is, once our reality of reality is set in stone, very little can be done to change it.
Unless a life-altering, earth shattering event occurs.
Like Kris Allen winning AI8. =)
I have not been the most diligent fan of AI8, and I'm definitely not the best person to give an opinion regarding anything AI8 related.
But from what I have seen, Kris started off as a humble guy, so humble to the extent that if you asked him at the start if he thought he would win AI8, he would probably stare at you incredulously and go "huh?"
But look at him now.
A shining star is born right before our eyes.
That's the beauty of AI. You get to witness the growth of the contestants through the contest, and it never fails to amaze me bila bintang dilahirkan.

Anyways, I digress. This post is not for me to gush over Kris or Adam or anyone else, actually.

It's supposed to be about a certain camp me and my friends took part some days ago.
Which I know I'm not supposed to write about, due to the 'secrecy oath' all of us took before the camp.
But that's not gonna stop me from telling you about other stuff that happened in those 5 days!

1. I am still swooning over *cough* our Mister Penghulu. Ha!
I am starting to think I have this radar for big successful guys. Or guys that are somewhere along the way there. The first day when we were sitting in the auditorium waiting for the rest of the peserta to reach, he was the first person who caught my eye. I don't know how, but I just...knew. Maybe it was his good looks (but remember, I didn't find him good-looking at first), or the fact that he looked like one of my former crushes, hehe. *shy*And it was a pity I wasn't in the same group as him, but still...haizzz... But he's younger la. So cannot.

2. I think I am getting older.
Because I am starting to think of people as 'kids'. And those people are like, what, 18 years old?! I don't know why. But at one point when my group leader (we were assigned to small groups of 12 or 13 for easier discussions) failed to turn up on time for our practice session for our patriotic song performance, I found myself thinking...ah well. He's just a kid, let him be.

And after a while, I started. and thought, what the...?!
It's not that I'm a lot older than him. 5 years is not really a lot. Perhaps it is a sign of ageing...

3. I finally tried abseiling!!

4. I am so in love with this song 'Mulanya di sini'.
For people who went to the camp, it's the 'sama sama' song that all of us sang together on thursday. And. I. Like. It. So. Much!! It makes me want to hug my fellow Malaysians and sing with them at the top of our voices in the middle of Federal highway.
(and no, I am not suicidal.)

5. I realised I can go without 'real' food for days.
Because the food at the camp was really...yuck. By my standards, anyway. Too oily for my stomach and too spicy for my tastebuds. How to eat? So I didn't eat. And surprise! I didn't feel too hungry, and I found that now my appetite is smaller and I am eating lesser. The perks of the camp, hahaha....

6. My malay has improved.
Not much, actually. But better than nothing. The first day of our group discussions, for most of the time I was actually trying to figure out what the others were saying (in BM, of course!). And it didn't help that our group facilitator speaks with an alarmingly fast rate. I mean, just because our camp is in Formula 1 Sepang doesn't mean that you have to compete with the cars to see who goes faster right?.. it was really really tough. I actually wanted to ask him (and my group members) to speak slower, but...aih. Paiseh la. I'm malaysian after all, right.

7. Silence is golden.

8. Telling lies, is not.

9. Somehow the camp reminds me of NS. A very short one, albeit.
But of course, NS was much, much more enjoyable. And I read a piece of news that the government plans to get the former NS-ians together to garner whether they still have the 'patriotic spirit'. How are they gonna prove that? I don't know. But if I am chosen to go then I shall just sing all the lagu patriotik that I have learnt in the last camp. Guaranteed patriotic!

10. Seeing from others' perspectives is vital for success.


And the end!

Okay. So the reason why I am late with this post is that, ahah! I am back to scrubbing the floors and clothes. And everything else in between.

Because my darling maid has just decided to stay longer in her hometown.
Her story was, her bus broke down on her way to the airport. Then she missed the flight. Then she booked another flight on the 28th. 10 days later than promised.

I don't really believe her.
But what can I do?!

Of course, I have come up with my own plans for making my burden lighter.
Like, putting more clothes in the washing machine instead of hand-washing them.
Cooking porridge for lunch instead of a whole 3-course meal.
Whipping out my bedroom slippers for my parents instead of sweeping and mopping the floors daily.
And manja-ing my parents to tapau dinner instead of having me to cook. Ha!

Smart leh....


Till I fly!
xoxo

what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger

So recently I've been getting more irritated, angry, and stressed out than I've ever been in a fairly long time.

Reason? I'm back home, sans my indonesian maid.
And being the only one with 'lots of free time', I was the obvious choice to take over her chores.

Lest you start thinking I'm a good-for-nothing lazy bum, let me explain that the household chores are not the reasons why I'm so upset.

1. My efforts are not appreciated. I feel like what I'm doing is EXPECTED. Sometimes I start feeling like a maid obeying orders from her boss.

2. I feel as if I'm not trusted. Well, this applies mostly to my grandma. She's always reminding me about chores and tasks that I have not done, or didn't do properly. But the thing is, the way she reminds me is so berputar belit that I have to scratch my head to figure out what she wants. I mean, hello! I'm 23 years old for god's sake. I have stayed on my own for almost 5 years (2 years college plus 2.5 years university). I know how to run a house. Really. But the feeling of not being trusted to do what I do, does not feel good.

3. My grandma (again!) and her complaints. She can't do any housework (because of her slipped disc which never recovered) and somehow she feels guilty that she can't help out. So she goes around saying things like "Oh, I'm old already, useless already, cannot help you all to do things. What to do, what to do...." And sometimes she'll throw in a "Aih, I'm going to die soon.." for good measure. (!) I mean, when she says that for the first time, I still can layan her nicely and tell her, oh don't say that, it's our duty anyway, you're considered very healthy for your age, bla bla bla....you know, the standard things we say to pacify old people. But when she says that for the freakin' 20th time, I really have to refrain myself from yelling at her. Of course I succeed (in refraining, not yelling!) but it's really stressing me out this way. Doing my chores is already quite tiring, and plus pacifying her, I'm drained physically and mentally. Sometimes I feel like I have got nothing more to give, and yet she's still taking, and taking, and taking......


Actually there are more issues, just that I don't feel like relating more of them. Reminding myself of unhappy stuff makes me unhappy.
Perhaps you would think I'm this ungrateful and unfilial brat that snaps at her grandma.
But really, not all grandmothers are made equal.
Like when Cyik was telling me about how her grandmother would make bak zhangs specially catered to her tastes for her, I was so...envious. And sad. Because I knew my grandmother would never do that for me.
Actually I guess I can't blame her for that. She belongs to the generation of people that puts their sons and grandsons above everything else. Daughters and granddaughters are just people that 'belong to other people once they're married.'
And she doesn't make a secret of her biased love for her male heirs.
In other words, I know she doesn't love me.
And I can never make her love me, no matter how much I love her or how much I do for her.


Then today I woke up and it struck me.

Fact no.1: I have to do my chores and deal with my grandma.
Fact no.2: I can be happy or unhappy about it.

Either way I still have to do what I'm supposed to do.
So why don't I choose to be happy when I'm doing it?

I don't need people to appreciate the things I do.
Whatever I do, I do for myself.
I cook nice meals so the people I love can have a healthy and wholesome meal.
I clean the house so the people I love (and myself) can live in a clean place.
I wash the clothes so the people I love (and myself) can have clean clothes to wear everyday.

So even if they don't appreciate my efforts, I myself am still benefiting from what I have done.
In other words,
I am not doing this for them.
I'm doing this for myself.

And as for my grandmother, I don't NEED her to love me for me to survive.
I still have my parents. And my friends.
I don't have to let her affect my moods.

In other words,
I realised that, nothing is personal.

My grandma's not loving me is not because I'm not good enough.
It's because of her olden ways of thinking.

My uncle's not liking the food I cooked is not because my cooking is horrible.
It's just because he's not used to eating western food.
(FYI, he found the pasta I cooked for him to be one word: Yuck!)

Other people who say unkind things to me are not because I am a bad person.
It's because THEY are bad people. Or perhaps they've had a bad day.

You see,
When others scold you,
it's because THEY are angry.

When others irritate you,
it's because THEY are inconsiderate.

When others say something unkind,
it's because THEY choose to say unkind stuff to you.

Either way,
It's not you.
It's them!

So why should we be affected?

Accepting this fact has made me a happier person.
Nothing should, and would be taken personally.


Till I get my visa,
xoxo

shopping

So these few days the housemate and I have been doing a fair bit of shopping for stuff to bring to Scotland, and getting a little broke along the way.

I have been looking in many places for the best deal I can get for 2 skincare items I absolutely can't do without: Za T-zone cleanser and Za Metavoltage cream. You see, my face is the annoying type which gets blackheads and whiteheads all over, unlike most people who only have them confined to the nose and chin. So every week or so, these two products help me to clear up my skin so I won't look like I stuck a porcupine on my face when I walk out the door.

ie, I will DIE if I don't have these two products with me. Really.

But the thing is, these are considered as whitening products.
And as everyone knows, angmohs aren't exactly the most avid fans of whitening, unlike us poor asians borned with tanned skin.
So I am fully expecting scotland NOT to have these two skincare items in their stores.
Which means I have to stock up a shitload of these before I leave.

That is why I have been looking around for the best deal in town for them.
Because, you see, for some unknown reason, the prices of these items can vary quite much from store to store. Well this mainly applies to the T-zone cleanser....

Watson's #1: RM 23.90
Guardian #1: RM 27.90
Watson's #2: RM19.88 (promotion price!)

*at this point, it would make sense to get the 19.88 one right? but I do remember there was a time when 2 bottles of Tzone cost RM30, which was a better deal. so I passed on the 19.88 in search for greener pastures...*

Guardian #2: RM 24.90
Watson's #3: No stock!!!

*so at this point I was regretting my decision to not get the 19.88 one. but too late liao....*

.......
Guardian #3: RM 19.88!!

And so I snapped up 2 bottles of the 19.88 T-zone.
Although there was a part of my mind still pining for the RM30-for-two-bottles deal, I guessed that 19.88 would perhaps be the best price I can get for now.


And then, I had an A-HA! moment.

Isn't this exactly like looking for a boyfriend? Or husband?

Throughout the years, you have seen good deals and even better ones around you.
And you know you have to get one of them.
But the question is, which one?

(okay, I know there is also the option of NOT getting one, but for clarification's sake do please bear with me and assume that we HAVE to have a boyfriend/husband. ok?)

So you shop around (well, literally) for good guys.
You vaguely remember one, who seemed like the perfect guy to you.
Think handsome, tall, athletic, intelligent, suave, kind, caring, considerate.....well, you get the picture.
So you set that as your golden standard.
But then as you shopped around, you come across many guys, who seem to be really nice and sweet but somehow doesn't really compare to the 'perfect guy' in your mind.
Then you meet one, the 'almost perfect guy'.
So you think, hmm, this is a really good deal, but what about the perfect guy lurking at the back of your mind?
So you pass him on.
Then you go shopping again.
But now the deals you get are not as good as the last one. Some places are even 'no-deal'.
Then you start regretting not getting the 'almost perfect deal'.
You think to yourself, that would probably the last time you could find such a good deal. No way you would come across that again, right?...
Then,
Wham!
You REALLY do come across the 19.88 again.
Tell me, would you snap the 19.88 up immediately, or would you wait some more to find the RM30-for-2?



The thing is, in real life, there is really no such thing as the perfect guy.
As kids, we started off thinking that there were princes on white horses who would come to our rescue and sweep us off our feet at the stroke of midnight. And then we would 'live happily ever after', for ever, and ever, and ever.....
Then, as teenagers, we still carry some notion of the prince, but we still keep our eyes open, and compare every guy we meet to the prince in our minds.
After that, as young adults, the image of the prince on the white horse becomes increasingly blurred in our minds, and at a certain point, we finally realise that the prince was nothing but a mere fragment of our imagination.

And then I'm thinking,
Should one day, a guy were to come up to me and ask me,
'I am not a prince. Would you still love me?'
And I would reply,
'I am not a princess either. So that makes two of us.' =)



xoxo

my happy day

And so today, is a happy day for me.

First of all is of course, getting my sem 5 EOS results yesterday.
Yes, I passed..though not exactly with flying colours.
But my results this time were better than last semester, and I'm satisfied.
This time round, I was fairly confident that I would pass all subjects, while last semester I lived in mortal fear every day fearing that I would fail something, cos I really had a shitty sem 4 EOS.
I don't know anyone else's results besides my own, and I have no plans to ask around. The last thing I want is to compare myself with others at this time. I have done my best, and for me, that is what that really matters for now.

Then,
I finished my hospital attachment today!
Honestly speaking, I actually enjoyed myself these 5 days. Saw a lot and learnt a lot. We (Szeling and I) clerked 8 cases in all, but I suppose only 7 of those could be used. The one that got away (so to speak) was a dengue case, in which some lecturers said it was allowed and others the opposite. It was actually a case of dengue shock syndrome leading to paroxysmal AF, and we thought it would make an interesting case. Oh well...

It may sound cliched, but I realised, after this attachment, that health really, after all, is wealth.
I have learnt to thank God every day for everything I have been blessed with, and not to sweat the small stuff. After all, what can be so bad, if I am still alive and kickin'? =)

We went for the beef noodles Seremban was famous for after finishing our cases. How amusing that Renyung (who is from seremban, and brought us to the shop) was also eating the noodles for the first time!

And Szeling is the best partner I can ever hope to get. I only hope that she won't be irritated by my indecisiveness and laziness, haha!

And,
I have decided to let go. To 顺其自然。
I realised that the reason why I was so upset was because I was swimming against the tide. Sedangkan there was no reason why I should do that! I should have known better. So now I just want to enjoy the process, to enjoy life as it comes along. Life should not be taken too seriously, and I do have to learn to laugh at myself more! I have to learn to see the positive side of things, and to make the most out of even seemingly impossible and ridiculous situations. It certainly is a tall order, but I shall rise to the occasion.....I hope. =)

And,
I got my sem 1 EOS results from AAD today!
So that's another burden off my mind.

And,
I borrowed 2 wonderful books from the library for the weekend.


And this pretty much sums up my good day.


I am happy.
And that is all that matters for now. =)

english

Found this piece of paper when I was cleaning up the mini (and messy) library in my home.


英文并不难。

爸爸叫‘罚的’。
妈妈叫‘骂的’。
兄弟叫‘泼辣的’。
姐妹叫‘西施的’。

鬼叫‘狗死’。
老鼠叫’猫死‘。
果汁叫’猪屎‘。
乳酪叫’气死‘。

脸叫’肥死‘。
请叫’霹雳死‘。
骂人时说“有爸死的”。 （you bast*rd)

我的英文水平“悲里耐死”吧？


My apologies to those who can't read chinese. =P

family history?

I just found out that my grandma has been taking risperidone for the past 9 years.

*Risperidone is an atypical antipsychotic, and a D2 antagonist.*

And I don't understand why she has to take it!
Aren't antipsychotics meant for schizophrenic patients?
But as far as I can see, grandma seems perfectly normal to me!

But then again, I know she has a tendency to 胡思乱想, especially during the period when my grandpa passed away. And sometimes her 胡思乱想 is really bizzare! But I shall not repeat it here.

Is this a symptom of schizophrenia? I don't know. She doesn't hallucinate nor have delusions.

On another note, one of my other relatives was also diagnosed with schizophrenia a few years ago, but now her condition is very well controlled.

So that got me thinking....

Since 2 of my second degree relatives have this illness, does that mean I'm predisposed to it as well?!
I certainly hope not. Am keeping my fingers crossed.


+:+:+:+:+

Why is it SO warm in Ipoh???
I hate sweating all day long.
I hate the icky feeling of sweat and grime on my body.
I hate the steaming hot heat of my bedroom in the afternoon when I can't even take a proper nap.
I hate downing can after can of chilled soft drinks. It's making me fat. But it. is. SO. WARM!

On the other hand,

I love being around my parents again.
I love being loved and pampered.
I love having nothing to do all day long (besides watching Grey's Anatomy all day long. Spoilers: I used to think that Izzy was a lil' crazy when she saw her dead fiance and had sex with him. Now I know there's a perfectly logical explanation for it! that's all I'm gonna say, so I don't spoil the fun for those who haven't watched it yet.)

I'm worried that my not having my sem1 EOS results will affect my visa application.

I'm worried that my blur nature when it comes to these red-tape stuff (and unconsciously avoiding any dealing with things that reek of bureaucracy) will cause me to look on forlornly while my batchmates fly to Scotland. Touchwood, hopefully I won't be left behind!

I'm worried that my medical results will be late.

I'm worried because I HAVE to worry about something.
If I don't worry, I would think, what am I missing?..

I seriously have to learn how to NOT worry.


Can anyone help me?

多心

So I was just thinking about something a friend said to me some time ago.

Poring over it, and going over it round and round in my mind, actually.
You see, sometimes I have the tendency to overanalyse things, especially unimportant ones. And my PP2 paper.


And..

just at that moment, this blared from my iTunes.
你的多心很多心。。。

Talk of uncanny mind-reading abilities!
Just like that, I laughed so hard that all unhappy thoughts flew out of my mind.
And I realised I was probably just, simply, being 太多心。

Thank you, my laptop, for your timely advice.

And if you were wondering, that song is an old one of 光良品冠。
Name of song? 多心。 =)


So.
Since my laptop has been my loyal friend for a year and a half,
being with me everyday whenever i need it,
staying with me quietly when I'm happy or sad,
and not grumbling when I neglect it for EOS.

I think I should give it a name.

Everyone, say hello to Dellie.


Yeah I know it's a little unoriginal, what with my laptop being a Dell model.
But hey, if the name fits, why not? =)

Just like how a certain someone is going to go by the name Natalie in about 2 months' time.

wouldn't it be nice to..

It's during trying times like this that I wish I were born in the medieval English period.
Like, Jane Austen's times.

I think, why do I study so hard? Why must I study so hard?
Would all that I study be utilised in my future career?
Is it worth it to be stressing my head off like this, for what? a few pages of words, of information that seems oh so important now, but probably wouldn't be of use once eos is over?
My parents tell me that what I'm studying now is the basis of my future career, and I believe them, no doubt.
But IT IS JUST SO DIFFICULT, right now, for me to study what I'm supposed to study.

So, back to my Austen musings.

I would be living with my family, probably a middle class one.
We would have 2 or 3 servants (which is considered normal in those times), a cook, and a modest carriage if possible.

My days would be leisurely.
Maybe I would have a governess, but I prefer not to.
I would be able to read all day long, and discuss the books with my sisters and brothers, and I would not be obliged to undergo an exam on it.
I would be able to play the piano(forte) all day long.
I would probably need to know French, other than English, and coupled with my extensive reading, abilities to play and sing, and probably draw a little, and I would be deemed an accomplished girl. No need to torment myself with hafal-ing the whole Rang and Dale book.

My conversations could be centered on how wonderfully broiled the potatoes were for dinner, and no one would call me shallow or think me silly, because why, girls during those times were supposed, or almost expected, to be silly, and converse about minute, unimportant things.

I would probably meet a nice (rich, if possible) man and after dancing with him at a few balls, have him propose to me and we'd be engaged. No need to paktor for 5 years before even thinking about marriage. Once one falls in love, one has to be engaged then. Nothing less.

And if my husband were to make ten thousand pounds a year, he would be deemed extremely rich! We would live in a beautiful mansion with paintings hung all over the walls, footmen to wait on us, and phaetons and ponies to bring us around the grand grounds of our residence.

Of course, if he were to make only a modest sum, I wouldn't mind living in a small but comfortable parish, with a medium-sized garden.

I would keep myself busy everyday with tending to the household matters, probably cleaning and cooking and looking after the children, if any comes along, that is.

My life would be centered on making my home a confortable one, and pandering to my family's needs.

My life would be uneventful, but happy and satisfied, in a modest way.



And not struggling to stuff gazillions of drug names and information into my brain!


Of course, a dream stays a dream, eh.
besides, I can't possibly transport myself back to the 1800s to live like that.

Just that sometimes, being a 小女人takes much lesser effort.
And it would be nice to lie back and let others take the reins for a while.

For a while only, mind you! =)

of patients and being patient

So yours truly spent today (technically it's yesterday since it's past 12am now) in the company of sickness, disease, and doctors.

ie, I went for my hospital attachment la!

The one thing I learnt, or realised, from this attachment, was how easy it could be to lose oneself in the humdrum daily life of treating diseases, and consequently lose sight of the most important thing: the patient.

Somehow it seemed to me there was an unspoken rule that once patients stepped inside the doors of a (cough*government*cough) hospital, he had signed a contract to relinquish all rights to his body, and to his feelings.

I was somewhat disturbed by the fact that everyone else in the ward seemed to be of importance, including the (obviously) doctors, nurses, and yet-to-be-seen pharmacists. Except for one glaring omission: the patients themselves!

Imagine this.
You're the poor patient who had the bad luck to be chosen as the case study of one of the many medical students infiltrating the hospital you're lying in. 'Your student' comes to you, with 7 or 8 other students, and a lecturer. He presents his case (that's you!), what happened to you, what the diagnosis, and what is going to happen to you. Unfortunately you don't understand half of what he's saying, and somewhere along the road you catch a word or two that you DO understand. But the word doesn't sound good...in fact, it sounds bad, even to your layman ears. Just when you're starting to wonder if there's something the doctors are NOT telling you, the lecturer gives orders to the group of students to press on your chest and prod your stomach. One by one, they come up to you, and without making eye contact, they probe and prod your body, exposed and open for all to see. You feel some pain, but you're reluctant to say anything lest it starts yet another round of probing and prodding. Then, the lecturer gives your chest a final prod, and proudly announces the answer to a question you weren't even aware of, to all the students. You feel tired and want to sleep. But the people around you seem not to be aware of this fact, despite you yawning, lying down and closing your eyes. The never-ending voices go on still, and at a certain point, you feel your gown lifted up, to be given yet another prod. You decide to ignore this, and continue to close your eyes hoping they'd go away. But they don't....and so you fall asleep amidst the chatter.

Then, two people, obviously students (and you're starting to wonder by now, are there more students in this building than patients anyway?!) come up to your bed, and start copying and muttering to themselves. You don't know what they want. Then suddenly, as if remembering something, they say they are pharmacy students. PHARMACY?! you think. AREN'T MEDICAL STUDENTS ENOUGH TROUBLE FOR ONE DAY?! You want to go back to sleep, but it is difficult for you to do so when you're aware that there are people standing in front of you, and you're afraid they'll laugh at you if you start to snore and sleep with your mouth open with saliva dribbling down the side of your mouth. So you stare at them, and they stare back at you. You don't know what to do. Look at them cannot, sleep also cannot. You hope they would go away quickly, but they stand in front of your bed for the next two hours. Then your lunch comes, and you eat. But as they're still copying the papers, the stare at you eating. And you would swear you saw one of them swallow hard, and stare hard at your food like he was going to snatch it from you. You continue eating as fast as you can. Fortunately, they leave you after a few minutes. You slump back on the bed, lunch forgotten. And you think to yourself, why is it more difficult to be sick than it is to be healthy!


Okay. No offence to any medical students or doctors reading this. I understand the roles and responsibilities you have, and I have no problem with that. I know you're just doing your job, and that, in this case, is to keep the patients alive, kicking and healthy.

I just couldn't help feeling sorry for the poor patients.
And I swore to myself, I would either take care of my body well and live a long and healthy life; or die an early death to avoid being put in a hospital.

Of course, I am also aware that I have to visit hospitals to have babies, but that is another story for another day.

I have no problems working in a hospital as a pharmacist. I just don't want to be in the hospital as a patient.


And today, as I stepped into the wards for the first time, I had this sudden urge to cry.
Why?
I felt so sorry for all the poor souls lying there, helpless, ill, and feeling like sh*t.
I feel sorry that they have to go through all this pain.
I feel sorry for them because I know some of them are not going to make it through the week.


Oh well.
Hopefully I get over these feelings by the time I graduate.
If not takken I cry everyday I go to work meh?

new year resolutions, a little late

...but better late than never, right?

1. I shall not let other people's emotions affect my own.
Because people cannot make me feel a certain way unless I allow them to. Eleanor Roosevelt put it this way: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I will not be irritated when someone irritates me; I will not feel angry when someone does something to make me; I will choose to be happy every single day. Yeah right.

2. I shall not worry about 'what people think of me'.
People's lives do not revolve around me. They have their own issues, their own insecurities, their own troubles. No one probably cares if I say something stupid, or fall down in front of the class. I shall not fret even when I realise my mascara is smudged or my face is oily and I was talking to a cute guy without knowing that I look like a racoon who fell into an oil tank. Life is too precious to be wasted on thinking "what do people think of me?" Because, more often than not, they don't even think about you. Really.

3. I shall do my best and leave the rest to Him.
There is only so much I can study and do in a limited amount of time. If I have given my best I shall have no regrets, and I can face Him with dignity, rest assured that I have not let Him down, even if my EOS results suck like a vacuum.

4. I shall stop harping on my body and weight issues.
If I exercise regularly and eat healthily, and my thighs still resemble tree trunks and my belly a balloon, I shall still be happy and not complain incessantly to my poor housemate. And to anyone else who would listen. I will think of myself as beautiful, even if I don't have large Bambi eyes, Elizabeth Taylor's arched nose, and Gisele Bundchen's body.

5. I shall praise more and criticize less.
Because no one likes to be criticized, and who doesn't love people who appreciate them? Of course I will not praise for the sake of praising. I shall learn to see the good in others, and less of their faults. Because for every fault that one has, there are ten more good points in them. So wouldn't it be easier for me to spot those ten rather than the one measly (and perhaps unimportant) fault?

6. I shall stop worrying so much about my 'popularity'.
Because I cannot expect everyone to love me to bits. Because I know I have a 'fierce' face. Because I don't make funny jokes when in company. So I cannot expect to be popular like those who do all of the above. But I will still be happy because I have a bunch of great friends who love me for who I am.

7. I shall make my own decisions.
And not be influenced by others. Because I am my own master. Or mistress.

8. I shall stop complaining about not having a boyfriend.
Or better, I shall stop trying to find a boyfriend. 是你的，就是你的。勉强没幸福。

9. I shall sleep early and rise early.
I have recently started to love mornings more. The fresh cool morning air, the chirp of birds. And the sight of old ladies doing taichi in front of Vista B1 makes me happy. Besides, I'll never have to worry about not waking up in time if I wake early, right?

10. I shall be happy.
Enough said.


Difficult enough, I daresay? But certainly not unattainable. Because there is no 'perfect' world, only an ideal one. And it is up to us to create our own ideal world, and not anyone else. Not our friends, not our boyfriends (or girlfriends), not our parents, not our EOS results. Just ourselves.