my happy place

This was my breakfast today.

Yoghurt, two plums, a banana, and a cup of coffee.

I think when I eat a healthy meal first thing in the day, I'm more inclined to eat healthily for the rest of the day, and less likely to reach for a carb-filled snack in the middle of the day.

I have been religiously going to the gym for the past 6 months or so, working out for at least one and a half hour every day. I think my strength has improved, I am able to exercise longer, and I'm finally able to do the 'male' version of push-ups! (ie. the kind where you push-up with feet on the ground instead of knees.) I love the energy and 'high' workouts give me, I feel like I'm slimmer and happier after a session at the gym. Ridiculous? Not for me. =)

I have been recently discovering and applying the concept of minimalism. Many blogs and articles have been written on this, so I shall not try to explain in my beginner's way. But I can tell you this: Minimalism is about buying, keeping and doing only what you love, and eliminating all the superfluous stuff. To me, the ultimate minimalist would be able to fit in all her belongings in a backpack and go trekking in the Himalayas if she wanted to. Of course I'm nowhere near that yet and I have no plans to become as minimalist as that, but I'm learning.

I feel healthy. And so, I feel happy.

so said the wise people...

I like this. Hope you do too.

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.

The Jews realized that they had no choice. They looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer.

No one wanted to be the one to risk losing a debate with the pope. Finally an old man named Moishe said that he would do it, since if no one did, the Jews would be forced to leave. He asked only that neither side be allowed to talk during the debate. The Pope finally agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.

"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us.

"I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible! "What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving.

"Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."

"And then?" asked a woman. "I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

As found on this website.

where do you belong?

We had our first chinese new year celebration away from home this year.

It felt different, somehow. Although we did have a proper reunion dinner (though not on the 'proper' day - we had exams on 初二 - so our dinner was postponed to a few days after the actual day). We had all the food that we were supposed to eat during a 'proper' reunion dinner, even the lou sang, and it was a great celebration with friends, awesome festive mood, and good food.

But it felt different, without family.

Although I have always (and I really mean always) find CNY a huge hassle to prepare for and celebrate back at home, and I detest the socialising we're supposed to do during the first few days of CNY with relatives and friends. I mean, I meet these people once a year (twice, if I'm lucky) and we practically know nothing about each other. Heck, I'm closer to my online penpals (not that I have any now) than I am to them. I have always thought CNY forced us to be with people we don't like and do things we don't like because the situation warrants it. I'm always happiest on the day school reopens after the whole fiasco. Seriously!

Well, I certainly don't miss that part of CNY now I'm in the UK. But I do miss spending time with my parents, decorating the house with new year paraphernalia, baking biscuits and cakes for the new year, and even watching corny new year television shows with them. I miss the joy and smiles that comes easily and watching my dad doubling over with laughter when someone cracks a really funny joke.

That made me think: What exactly is home, anyway?

Would Glasgow seem less foreign if my parents were here with me?

Would Malaysia seem less familiar if my parents were away from the country?

What is home, anyway?

I have spent three seasons away from my homeland until now, and I understand how it feels to be a foreigner, stepping on foreign soil and being with people that see you as a foreigner. I know that, no matter how much I like it here, this is not my home.

But then again, I wondered to myself: would Glasgow seem any more like home if I spent ten years and settled down with a family in this piece of 'foreign' soil?

I don't know.

Some people spend a month away from their homeland and feel perfectly at home, wherever they are.

Some people spend a lifetime in a land away from their homeland and never feel as if they belong.

Feeling as though we belong - does it make us happier?

I think it makes us feel more secure, more grounded, to be in a place where the people see you as one of their own. Where people will not treat you differently just because you came from a different place as them.

Nine months down the road, it's sometimes easy for me to forget I'm not a local. When I'm walking down a street, when I'm browsing in stores, or when I'm simply having a coffee in a roadside cafe, I look at the faces of the people around me and never feel like I'm any different.

But there are times when a look, a twitch of the eye, or an unconscious expression, from the people to me, suddenly reminds me that although I may not feel like a foreigner, they certainly, somewhere deep inside (or sometimes it's on the surface), see me as a foreigner.

What about those who travel for a living? What about those who circle around the world and never stay in the same place for more than a week? Where is their 'home', then?

Perhaps, home is their hotel for the day, where they can put down their bags and rest, and be protected from the outer environment.

Perhaps, home is a certain cafe with similar outlets all around the world, so when they step foot inside the cafe wherever they are, they feel they're home.

Perhaps, home is where their loved ones are, who greet them with smiles and a simple 'How was your day?', and let them be themselves without being judged, and feel as though they're finally 'home'.

Where do you belong?

Where is your home? =)

that's what the internet is for...to scare myself!

Well.

So a couple of weeks ago I've been starting to have pains in my lower left calf during my regular Body Attack classes. It usually starts at the part of the seriously intense high-leg jumping and shuffles. What happens is after the high-impact part my calf starts to hurt at the lower back part, and gets progressively worse as the class goes on. It hurts the most when I land on the ground after I jump. When I'm not exercising I feel fine. Even when I'm at the gym either on running on the treadmill or on the elliptical it's quite okay.

And today after my class it was acting up just a little bit more than usual, and that got me a little worried.

It doesn't feel like muscle pain to me since I've had lots of that in the past and I know how it feels like! Normally if I get muscle pain post-exercise it definitely happens in both legs. And 'normal' muscle pain goes away after a few sessions - the muscles are trained to get stronger and the pain gets lesser. But this? It's there with me at every body attack class. It doesn't seem to be getting worse, just that it always acts up after every class and it's SO bothersome!

I didn't feel it was serious enough to warrant a visit to the local GP; I would feel foolish sitting in the GP's room describing my symptoms. Silly it may be, but I felt the GP would be laughing at me and send me home with some NSAIDs. Or would he?

So I did what every self-respecting future medical professional would: go on the internet and search for possible diagnosis.

And scared the shit out of myself.

I typed 'calf hurts after high impact exercise' and guess what turned up the most?

Something called 'shin splints'!

Apparently it's very common in runners and people who take part in high-impact exercises. The condition is due to microfractures of the shin bone (tibia) and it happens when people don't warm up properly before exercising (that's me!). It happens especially when runners run on incline surfaces or hard ones (again, that's me - for the incline part). It will heal on its own, but it's quite difficult and needs lots of rest (definitely not for me!).

So now that I'm properly scared, the next step would be to google 'how to diagnose shin splints'.

Well, this website gave this answer, which I'm going to quote directly:

Press your fingertips along your shin, and if you can find a definite spot of sharp pain, it's a sign of a stress fracture; the pain of shin splints is more generalized. "Usually stress fractures feel better in the morning because you've rested the bone all night," says Letha Griffin, M.D., an Atlanta orthopedic surgeon who specializes in sports medicine. "Shin splints are worse in the morning because the soft tissue tightens overnight--you get out of bed, and you can hardly walk."

"Shin splints will be most painful if you forcibly try to lift your foot up at the ankle," says Sheldon Laps, D.P.M., a podiatrist in the Washington, D.C., area. "If you flex your foot and it hurts, it's probably shin splints." Also, a horizontal rather than vertical line of tenderness across the bone is typical of a stress fracture, says Pribut.

Well, well!

So far so good.

My left foot doesn't hurt when I flex it, and I've never had problems walking after I wake up in the morning.

And all other website stated that inflammation will occur when people get shin splints, and my left calf doesn't seem to be swelling.

(Or even if it is, I wouldn't be able to see it properly since my calves are so huge...hahaha)

So final diagnosis?

Not a shin splint.

There's another condition called the compartment syndrome, but my symptoms don't fit the diagnosis.

So what is it?.....

I really don't know.

I'm hoping that it isn't something more sinister.

It's during times like this that I hope I'd taken up medicine instead of pharmacy, so I can simply diagnose myself. So convenient!

Friends, any answers?

as if we still hadn't had enough biopharm

I hope this is not against Strathclyde exam laws, hehe.

Here's a question from our exam today.

Q: What is the cause of cervical cancer in humans?

A) Human papilloma virus

B) Human cervical virus

C) Yesseria virus

D) Vaccinia virus

E) Men

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Seriously?!......

I can just imagine the lecturer who came up with this question, running out of options to put for (E), scratching his head, and finally decided to put the TRUE answer as the final option.

If I had the guts I would put (e) as my answer. After all, it IS correct, in real life!

today

Today, I am happy.

1. Passed an exam which have been worrying me for some time. I'm thankful that I do not have to worry about it any more. I am also grateful for all the support and well-wishes from the people around me, and for the fact that Lady luck was with me throughout the exam. I am truly thankful.

2. Finished my pharm care presentation. It's not as big an issue as the one above, but I am no public speaker and public speaking has not been easy for me. I went though the whole presentation with no obstacles, I was able to answer all the questions fairly reasonably. I am happy that all my preparation work was not wasted.

3. Had a great time this evening sliding down the snow-covered slopes behind our hostel and having an epic snow fight! Although I did not participate much in either (I forgot my gloves and it was FREEZING cold) I still had a blast. Love!

I am happy, thankful, relieved. And that is enough for me, for now.

do you do this?

It's surprising how most of us treat the ones we love most, the worst.

I have come to realise this ever since my parents came to Glasgow to visit, and my housemates had a simple but profound observation:

I was much more polite to my housemates and friends than I was to my parents.

I didn't quite believe it at first. I even tried to justify it by thinking that it was normal, that I've spoken to them in this way my whole life, and this was just the way we communicated. I was in denial.

But after giving it some thought (okay, make it a LOT of thought), I realised it was true.

I realised that I'd always had this misconception that I had to treat my friends good because, well, they're my friends and if I'm nasty to them, they would take off in no time, simply because they can!

But my parents are, well, my parents and we're obliged to love each other no matter what horrible things we do or whatever awful things we say.

I always felt that my parents would always be there for me, and there was no need to 'suck up' to them because they would love me for who I am, because I'm their one and only daughter.

Having said that, by no means I'm saying that I suck up to my friends. I just have to hold my tongue many a time when I know that saying it would make them annoyed, or angry. (but sometimes I still slip off the edge and say stuff I was not supposed to say. I believe my 'straight guts' have offended many a friend sometimes...)

When I have issues, or when I'm sad, I offload to my parents. I dump my bad feelings and emotions on them because I know I can. I know I won't have to worry about them thinking badly of me because if they're not there for me when I need it, who else will be?

When I'm annoyed or angry, I am not afraid to show my parents how I really feel, because I know I will not be judged. I know some of my friends have said that I 'have no temper' but it's just because I prefer to keep things nice and sunny between friends. I don't like confrontations because I know once there has been just one, things will never be the same again. (but then again I must say that my friends are an awesome bunch of people, and there has never been situations where I was truly mad at them, touchwood. =P You people know I love you.)

What my normal friends and acquaintances see is the sunny side of me. What the people close to me see, is the whole package, the flaws, the temper, and of course the smiles. Most of the time it's just the smiles, because I don't get upset or angry often, but you can be sure that when I am, the people close to me will see the bad part of me.

So does that make me a bad person? If we truly love the people close to us shouldn't the situation be reversed? Let them see the sunny side, keep them happy and show the bad side to people who are not close to us? Since love is supposed to make people happy and not to upset or burden them further.

But then again, isn't love about 'in sickness or health, for better or worse'? We love people because we love them for who they are, warts and all. Not because they are nice to us, buy us things or give us money.

Another thought I had was that if we truly loved the people we claimed to, we would keep our sorry side to ourselves and show only the happy and nice side of ourselves to them. I mean, they would certainly be happier (without our emo-ness and issues and burdens) and if they're happy, wouldn't that make us happy as well?

So does that mean, in a nutshell, that the 'bad' side of ourselves can only be kept hidden in our hearts, never to see the light of the day?

I don't know.

But I am constantly trying to treat my parents and close friends as well as I possibly can. I know that if I tell them something or do stuff that is going to hurt them, I''d prefer not to say that if I can. I mean, I would want to feel happy when I'm around them, so why not vice versa?

I don't know if this is feasible in the real world. I mean, I would probably still need to complain to my parents once in a while to keep my sanity, and there will be times when I slip and hurt them just that bit. But I can try to keep those to a minimum, can't I?

After all, that's what love is all about anyway.

听说

这是一部好电影.

干净, 简单, 感动.

非常值得一看.

我喜欢. =)

p/s: this taiwan-based movie will not be screened in UK for obvious reasons. That's what ppstream is for. Don't say I didn't tell you.

sweet.

This was what greeted me when I opened my bedroom door first thing today morning.

On closer inspection....

and,

Cheers to my happy housemates. I love you too, ya know. =)

p/s: my fingers are still tightly crossed. PP3, thou shalt not haunt my dreams any longer, please?

I don't need proof to show I'm growing older. my friends do that for me.

Just a quick post before I've to continue studying for the drat pp3!

I had a lovely birthday, thanks to my funny friends.

The blessed people took me out for dinner at Kokuryo (now changed to another name) for dinner, then brought out the surprise cake at 12am! And of course the gift. I was surprised at that too, because it was a little..erm, expensive. hehehe. But a million thanks to all my friends anyway, you know I love you.

the present & birthday card. lovely!

the housemates-cum-cakebakers!! love you lots!! muaxxxx

the lenglui neighbours.

downstairs neighbours + faithful gym buddy. =)

next door neighbours. youzee, why so funny? =)

me looking exasperated, & weiluen looking embarrassed. no thanks to the photographer(s). =P

@kokuryo

And thus marks another year of my life. No longer a girl, not yet a woman. And still figuring out myself as always. That's what's called life, eh? =)

p/s: I won't be posting the rest of the photos till after pp3. do forgive me! but thanks mucho to my 2 lovely photographers Jane& Chingyik. =)