just complaining

It's what I do best anyway. Complaining. =)

Before that, I have a lil' question to ask.
Am I really that muscular?

Some time ago, a guy friend of mine told me that I had very muscular forearms, and he'd seldom seen girls with muscles like that. Bizarrely, he asked me to do the 'Mr Malaysia pose' , that is to bend the arm 90degrees in front of the chest and flexing the muscles..can you imagine it? And all along I thought I was a 100% girly sort of girl type! (and in fact, the guy himself was the muscular one to boot! you can only think how embarrased I felt at that time.)

Then a few days ago, one of my badminton kaki-s (a guy too) commented that I had 'big' forearms, and asked if I practised taekwando. ?! Then he said also said, oh, seldom got girls with such muscle-y forearms. He's the youngest among all the male kaki-s so we got along fairly well (the others are all 'uncles') and I laughed along with him, but in my mind I was like, help!

See, I want to be muscular (as opposed to being flabby), but not to the extent that guys start noticing and commenting on them! Oh well...


+:+:+:+

Yet another complaint.

I don't like it when my mom and grandma speak to each other using the foochow dialect!
The thing is, even I have listened to it for pretty long, I still can't understand 100% of what they're saying. At best, I understand 70-80%, and I can't speak a word of the dialect! And neither can my dad. (we're both cantonese) So when mom and granny start talking foochow, me and dad have to 收声 (shut up). We can't join in the conversation! And I feel really uncomfortable. I feel as if we're.....ostracized? Diketepikan? Sorta like that I guess. And I don't like it! we're a family, we live together. So this shouldn't be happening! I mean, my grandma can speak and understand mandarin perfectly, so why can't all of us speak mandarin so everyone can understand? I don't think I'm being unreasonable here, am I?

(FYI, I told my mom about this, but they still speak in foochow to each other...old habits die hard...le sigh...)


Now that I think about it, it's exactly what Siva would feel when he's with us.. one indian with a group of chinese ppl.....speaking chinese! Like, you kinda know what's going on but you don't really know what's going on, and you can't join in the fun because you don't speak the language!

Siva, I'm so sorry....=P

of meeting a former best friend

Yesterday something happened that made my very happy.

Because I met KC after a very, very long time.

KC was my best friend in high school. We sat next to each other in classes and often 'hang out' together with two other friends, you could probably call us a 'gang' I guess. Although our characters weren't that similar, we got along quite well, and had a great time during those three years. She was more of the quiet one, though I wasn't exactly talkative (the other two friends were =P ).

KC left Ipoh for matriculation after Form 5, and I left for National Service and subsequently, to do my A-levels in INTEC, so we parted ways after Form 5, and seldom saw each other. She got a place in UKM to study medicine while I got into IMU for pharmacy. Somehow we never got around to seeing each other although Bukit Jalil and Cheras (that's where she is) isn't that far away, and somehow I always felt she was very busy all the time, and didn't want to disturb her. Or perhaps I'm just a lousy friend. =P And besides (I say this with embarrassment) I'd met plenty of new friends in college and university, which kept me fairly busy, and I never did get to meet up with my high school friends when I was back in my hometown.

So you can imagine my excitement when I realised that the both of us were on the same bus back to Ipoh. =)

I actually saw her in the LRT to the bus station. I thought, hmm, this person looks very much like my friend! Then I saw her wearing an old-ish club t-shirt and jeans, and thought, hmm, her fashion sense is also like my friend. Then I thought, could this be KC?? But then as I stared at her, I thought she looked back at me too, and she showed no signs of recognition, so I thought I'd got the wrong person. But then when I went down the platform to board my bus, I saw her again....and this time there was no mistake, it was definitely her! Perhaps by now you'd be thinking, what a lousy friend you are cynthia, just a few years down the road and you can't even recognise your best friend? As a matter of fact I also think the same way, but you must also take into account the fact that I haven't seen her in more than 2 years..Do I get to be forgiven? =)

So I changed my seat to the one beside her, and we chatted non-stop throughout the entire 2.5-hour journey. We exchanged information, gossiped (but there was a lack of topics since I don't know her current friends and she doesn't know mine), talked a little about the future (like where we planned to do our housemanship), and also a little about boys (but then again there was a lack of topics since the both of us were always single and are currently very much so too). I only hope we didn't disturb the passengers sitting around us with our chattering and laughing! In short, we had a great time on the bus. It was the best bus journey I had!

Maybe she doesn't know this, but I owe her a great debt. She was the one who 'rescued' me from my 'gang-less' state in high school. She and the other 2 friends made me feel as if I belonged to a group, truly belonged and loved for who I am. If not for her, I would not have gained the confidence to make and keep friends and to believe that I myself am worthy as a friend as well.


+:+:+:+:+

So I'm home!
Been enjoying the company of the parents so far. Perhaps I haven't been around for long enough to irritate them. =P

I have high hopes for my 2-week holiday. I intend to at least complete half of my DD3 lab report, finish my posology and case law tutorials reports, and do a bit of studying.

Am keeping my fingers crossed that I will stick to my plan. =)


xoxo

hangover w/o alcohol

I can't believe I'm suffering from a post-party hangover.
A post-class-party hangover, to be exact.
And no, no alcohol was served. But I think there's actually such a thing as adrenaline overdose, though technically alcohol is a depressant and adrenaline a stimulant and they aren't supposed to produce the same effect, but still....

I am so. freakin. tired.

There has been a consistent throb at the back of my head since I woke up this morning. Nothing too serious, but that niggling little hammer at the back of my head is becoming increasingly irritating...

Is this a hangover? I don't know. But I realised that recently I have become increasingly easily tired, especially after a day of shopping or some other particularly energy-sapping activity. How ironic it is, for me to go shopping 'to relax' but then I have to spend another day to recuperate from the 'relaxing'. =P

But anyway, to give credit where it's due, the flowers did a great job with the class party, they single-handedly organised it from scratch. (but I think they got a little help from the side as well..)

+:+:+:+:+

So I'll be having a 2-week holiday starting tomorrow.
It's perfect, really.
I needed to get away from IMU for some time, and I wanted to spend some time with the parents before school reopens and they don't have much time for me even when I'm home.
And speaking of parents, they actually went to Bali without me! Again! And they're planning to go KK in the next school holidays...sans me, of course. That makes it 3 trips without their pesky little daughter, which was unheard of in my family......until recently. =)


Oh and I'm bringing my homework home this time, hopefully my mom (who is better in computer stuff than me, I regret to say) would be able to help me with my Excel spreadsheets for my DD3 lab report! =)

anyways, till then!



xoxo

simple pleasures

Sometimes, it's the simple things in life that counts.

Went for a swim this this afternoon. It was lovely! I had almost forgot how happy it felt to swim and be buoyed by the comforting waters. And the weather was perfect too. We went around 1pm to avoid the crowd and the sun was nicely hidden behind the clouds, and there was just the right amount of sunshine for warmth yet not so much so that we'd get burnt after our swim. The water was also quite clear for vista B standards, I even smelt chlorine in the water.

I have not swam for a few years, I stopped after I took up tennis. When I was young, my parents used to take me swimming every day. And by that I mean every single freakin' day. It got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore and started to rebel in my own little ways. Like refusing to swim freestyle throughout my entire swim even when my dad told me to. I remembered I hated freestyle as my only method of, erm, hair removal was shaving and I often forgot to shave my underarms, so swimming freestyle would make me, ahem, exposed. But dad always said "没有人这样得空看你啦！" But you know how teenagers are like...especially a girl in her puberty years. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable over my change in body shape and of course, the horrible hair growth. So I used to sengaja 'kek' my dad by swimming only in breast stroke the whole time! I know it must not seem particularly rebellious to you, but for me, it's one of the few things I did to irritate my parents on purpose.

Anyway. I'm also enjoying listening to a radio station that plays only piano music. It's perfect for times when I want to study, it doesn't take my attention away from the study material, and it prevents me from falling asleep. How perfect.

There was a time when I downloaded the Turkish March by Mozart, and it turned out to be a 'synthetic' piece. I felt so geli that I deleted the file after listening to it for less than half a minute! I know I must seem like a music snob..must be my classical training in music. But really, I can't stand the use of studio-generated sounds of violin and piano and other musical instruments to play a classical piece! Blasphemous! ( I know, I just used this word in my last post, but it's the only word I could come up with...do forgive my limited vocabulary.)

And I actually had a good time ironing my clothes. Really! It just seemed so...meditative. I could go on and on on autopilot ironing my clothes, and mulling over things that I normally don't have the time to think about. But but but! if anyone dares to ask me to iron their clothes, I will do to them with my red hot iron what Kayin did with her paddle during our whitewater rafting. Haaah!!!

Anyway.
It's sunday tomorrow! Another day for me to relax and feel guilty for wasting time. =)


xoxo

tired + economics talk

Today was really, really, really tiring.

Slept at 4am last night (no thanks to insomnia) and woke up at 7am this morning to prepare for our convo mag photoshoot. Obviously 3 hours of sleep is never enough for anyone to function properly, but still......Jumped around, splashed water, blew bubbles, and smiled until my cheeks hurt for our poolside shoot. Hopefully the pictures turn out to be nice!..

Then went for a talk by our very own Tun Mahathir and Nobel Economics Prize winner Prof. Robert Engle on 'the volatile economics nowadays' at Putrajaya. I originally wanted to go because of the nobel prize winner and I thought economics was sorta my field as I'm a unit trust agent and all, but as it turned out, I slept through most parts of the lecture. I don't know if I was too tired to appreciate the talks but I really couldn't concentrate on Prof Robert's talk on 'how volatile the market was'. I only managed to get some of his points of managing risk in the beginning, then I dozed off.

Actually in the first lecture by the Tun I was nodding off (I think I fell asleep at one point) but the stuff he was talking about was really kinda interesting and somewhat controversial, it managed to keep me half-awake throughout Tun's talk. And besides, it felt....blasphemous to fall asleep when our semi-demi-god of an ex-PM was giving a lecture! But sadly when it came to Prof Robert, I started to see stars.....then clouds.....then darkness. =P

Thankfully I recorded both the lectures, perhaps I'll listen to them when I have the mood?..(which is probably never!) anyone who's interested in the lectures are welcome to take a copy of them from me though!

The funny thing was, when the talk ended it was raining pretty heavily outside, and all of a sudden it started raining inside the lobby of the building as well! Bocor la.....in putrajaya some more! And it was actually 'raining' quite hard in the lobby, until some reporters started taking pictures of the leaking and another actually took a video of it as well! Anything is possible in Bolehland, aint it? =P

And when we were on our way back from Putrajaya, somehow the front window pane of our friend's car dropped into the....crevice? the space in the passenger door? what do you call that place anyway?...and couldn't be raised up again. And it was raining to boot! So we had to visit a car mechanic when we reached vista, and thankfully he managed to solve the problem temporarily...but the friend would still have to go change the spare part for the window to function again.

Then we went for dinner.

Then someone went for a Hep B jab and asked the doctor so many questions. =P


.....

And thus ends my tiring day.

Okay, I know I was rambling. But really, I have not felt so tired ever since...forever? and yet I'm still blogging at this hour. Guilty as charged..for neglecting my health. Oh well.

On eating and food

I think I have an eating problem.

I like to eat, I always had.
I am not discriminating when it comes to food, as long as it hasn't gone bad, it is good food to me.
I eat when I'm hungry, I eat when I'm stressed, I eat when I'm bored.
I eat when I'm with friends, I eat when I study, I eat when I simply have nothing else to do.
Having food in my larder makes me feel safe. Secure, even.
My ultimate relaxing ritual would be to curl up with a book and a bag of chips. (recently switched to raw almonds, it's supposed to be healthier and lower in calories...I think?)
I used to think my eating habits was normal (hey, my family eats just like me ok?) till I went to college and realised people didn't eat as much and as frequently as me.
I like trawling food blogs, especially those with pretty pictures of food. I like to visualise the food in front of me, waiting to be eaten, in all its beauty and splendour.
But funnily I don't much enjoy cooking. Maybe it's because I can't really cook. I just like to eat. To me sometimes cooking is a chore that wastes time, cos I spend one hour cooking then I finish the meal in like, 10 minutes!
At home, there is always something to eat on the dinner table. It may be kayang kok (my favourite!), cake, biscuits, or some tong sui the maid whipped up. Anything, just that there is always something.

And yeah, I know I'm not exactly erm, thin from all the food going down my GI tract.
I wish I could be slimmer. Who doesn't?
But when I went on diets, I felt terrible without all the food I was used to. Granted, I did lose 2kg from my latest diet, the New York Diet, but I felt kinda deprived of real food throughout.

Granted, I do exercise. Used to do so quite regularly, but somehow have slowed down a little this semester. Hmm. Perhaps I should regain my daily aerobics habit....

I know I am not fat. But I'm not thin, either.
Sometimes I wonder if the reason why I am still single and swinging is my body size?..
I mean, given a choice, I would also prefer hunky guys, whom I assume are healthier and takes care of themselves more.
But then again, I can't say I'm not healthy and doesn't take care of myself. Quite the contrary, actually.

I guess it all boils down to self esteem.
Why should I worry about 'what others think' about my body? Sedangkan it's not their body anyway.
Why should I deprive myself of food just to conform to a 'beautiful' body shape?
Anyone can be beautiful, at any size. I mean, just look at Samantha in SATC, she looked absolutely gorgeous post-weight gain, didn't she?
Perhaps it just depends on how we carry ourselves.
If I'm constantly worrying about the size of my thighs, or hips, or anywhere for that matter, then my true personality would be somewhat diminished from all my body hung-ups, wouldn't it?

*but then hor, it would be slightly difficult to not compare yourself to all the gorgeous ladies around you, wouldn't it? hint hint: sinwee *cough* wenchin *cough*


Repeat after myself:
I am beautiful.
I am gorgeous.
I am desirable.

.
.
.
.

okay, even I thought that sounded kinda fake.
But maybe, just maybe, if I say that enough times, I will start to actually believe it's true?..

Ah well. A girl can hope, can't she? =)



+:+:+:+:+

A post-NHSD conversation today:

Actually you look kinda familiar, don't you?


Yeah, we have met before. You're not from Malaysia, right?


Oh, I am Malaysian, just that I spent most of my years in Singapore.
Okay, fine, I am NOT Malaysian. *grins*


Yeah I know, cos J****** told me.


Oh, so J is your friend?


Yeah, she's my housemate, actually. I saw you when you came to our house.


Oh.

....I had a green facial mask on, remember?

OH! So it was you!!....

Yeah that was me.


Names were not revealed to protect people's privacy. =P
But seriously? I mean, even with all the green goop on my face (that was The Body Shop's Tea Tree Oil Facial Mask ok?), he said that I 'looked familiar'?
Gosh.

random random

Sorry all, long hiatus again.
Since I have nothing much to say, allow me to ramble a bit. You can treat this as a filler post if you want.


1. I met Joseph Teoh in The Gardens today! I am so excited! Wahaha! Okay that was lame. but this Joseph guy is a writer for Harper's Bazaar, and he was also featured in one of their articles 2 months ago. He has amazing fashion sense(much better than Brendan's =P), and oh did i mention that he's absolutely cute too? *swoons* I have been nursing a secret crush on him ever since I saw that feature, I think he's just soooo perfect! =P (yeah I know my taste in idols is sorta weird, but still...) Anyway it was kinda a waste that I didn't go up to him to take a photo together since he was on the escalator down and we were on our way up. Sigh...

2. Twilight is finally out! and yeah we were in the Gardens to watch it today. I thought it was not bad, though it can get a lil cheesy and corny at some parts. I liked that the movie stuck to the book's storyline pretty well, but for those who haven't read it, the movie may seem a lil boring.. I do feel somewhat embarrassed for actually liking such a cheesy story, but hey, it's the stuff fairytales are made of! Think 英雄救美，lead guy with super powers, forbidden love...kick me for still loving such stuff at my age, but hey, a girl can still dream, eh? =)

3. And yes, criticism. I guess age has somewhat 'hardened' me, criticism doesn't affect me as much as it did when I was younger. People can give me advice, but whether I choose to believe and take it or not is entirely another matter. I'd like to think I'm mature enough to weigh the things people say to me in an objective manner, and to not let it affect me in a negative way. I love the way I am, and I have no plans to change that! I certainly do not live solely to please others. (don't worry my dear friend, I still love you okay? =P )

4. I am positively grateful for the lack of drama in my life. I like peace. Peace is good.


Till I have something more interesting to write about!


xoxo

tick tock

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.


She looked at the pink clock hanging on her bedroom wall, and glanced around her princess-styled bedroom.
She remembered the time when she and her parents had just moved into this house.
Oh, how high hopes they had, to make a home out of the new house.
She remembered the day she came back from school,
how she could barely contain her excitement when her parents said they had a surprise for her,
and how she squealed with joy when she saw her new bedroom with all the new furniture!
the queen-sized bed with tall posters complete with a powder-pink fluffy comforter, a mauve wardrobe with sliding doors, and the little pink study table at one side.
And of course, she remembered seeing her parents, smiling with indulgence at their little girl's joy.


Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.


She remembered the time when her parents threw a surprise party for her 10th birthday.
She remembered that her house was decorated according to a fairytale theme, with white cotton sprinkled with shiny glitter on the floor and couches, colourful ribbons hanging from the ceilings, and of course, all her classmates who were wearing white fairy wings on their backs.
She remembered how her father put a tiara studded with real crystals on her head, and told her she would always be the princess of his heart.
She remembered the diamond necklace her parents had bought for her birthday present,
oh, how it sparkled and shone!
but the thing shining even more brightly was her parents' smile and all their love.
And how lucky she felt to be born as their only daughter.


Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.


She remembered the first time her father came home with lipstick on his collar.
She remembered standing outside her parents' room and hearing them scream at each other,
punctuated with her mother's crying and her father's occasional steely silences,
and the loud slap that followed.
She remembered she had walked slowly back to her room and lay down on her bed,
how she tried to close her eyes to forget the moment,
how she tried to muffle the sounds of her mother crying by pressing her pillow on her head,
how she realised, after a while, that her pillow was also wet.


Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.


She remembered the day her father asked if she would like to live with him.
She remembered how she looked up at him, puzzled.
"But I'm already living with you."
The strange, almost forced smile her father gave her, that only added to her bewilderment.
The day when a man called 'Judge' decided that she should live with her mother. Only.
The day when she would see her father for the last time.


Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.


She remembered how her mother began to drink.
How the bottles kept piling up in her bedroom,
how she would cry for hours on end,
how she always told her she hated 'that bastard'.
She remembered suddenly being poor,
how her mother never went to work, even after her father left.
how they had to rely on money from her father, which never came on time,
how she didn't even have money for meals, and had to ask her friends for it.
And of course, she remembered how her friends left her, one by one, when she could no longer invite them to parties and give them pretty things, until the day she sat alone in the school cafe for the very first time.


Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.


She remembered the day she had her period for the first time.
She didn't even know it was her 'period'.
All she knew was, she was bleeding and bleeding.
She thought it was cancer, and she was going to die.
But she had no one to turn to for help.
Her mother was not around, she was never around.
So she cut up her old clothes and used it to soak up the blood, but it wouldn't stop.
She only knew that she wasn't going to die, when after a few days, she finally mustered the courage to ask her teacher if cancer made people bleed to death.
She remembered her relief, when her teacher told her the bleeding was part of being a girl.


Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.


She remembered the day S came to her,
asked her if she would like a job 'entertaining men'.
She remembered her elation when she realised the money she made could support her mother and her, without having to rely on her father's money.
She remembered the first time, which was a little scary,
she didn't realise men liked to be 'entertained' this way.
But it wasn't a difficult job, and she needed the money,
and besides, her mother was never at home, and she wouldn't care anyway.
And how after a while, she learned to separate herself from her body during all those nights, convincing herself that things would soon be better.
And she remembered, the joy she felt when she could buy the things she wanted with the money she made herself, without having to beg her father for it.


Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.


She remembered the day her mother came home, with a man by her side.
She told her she was getting married to him.
She remembered how the man looked at herself,
the look he gave her was exactly the same as the men she'd 'entertained'.
She remembered, when her mother went out of the room,
how he had tried to do the same things the men did to her.
She remembered how she'd told her mother about him and what he did,
but instead of confronting him, her mother screamed at her,
"You jealous, scheming, ungrateful child! Don't you dare to say such things about him! Ever!!"
And of course, she remembered the tight slap her mother gave her.


Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.



She remembered the day S died.
She remembered seeing her becoming frailer and weaker, day after day.
How she had to stop work because the boss said "she would frighten the men away."
She remembered asking S what was her illness, but she never would tell her.
She remembered attending her funeral, and hearing the word 'AIDS' for the very first time.
That was when she realised that her job could make her die.
She remembered the day she went to the clinic for a checkup,
when the doctor told her she too, was going to die.
Maybe in 5 years, 10 years. the doctor couldn't be sure.
But what he was sure of, was the fact that it was going to be a slow and painful death.

That was when she made her decision.


Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.


Slowly, she closed her eyes.
Her bloodied wrist fell to the bed she was lying on.


Tick.

of being sick and being a (future) pharmacist

So yours truly was down with a 38C fever and diarrhoea yesterday.
It's been such a long time since I was sick, I almost forgot how horrible it felt to actually be sick!
The fever had me feeling as though my body was falling to pieces, literally, and I could only manage to down a cup of milo-kosong and a little fish and eggs during dinner the whole day.
And I slept the whole day, I couldn't even sit up for more than half and hour without having to lie down again.

But what was interesting was, despite how terrible I felt for the whole day, I actually managed to wake up at 11pm (I was sleeping, remember?) just in time to watch Forensic Heroes. Talk about drama addiction!

And somewhere in the day, I was lying down on the couch beside my grandma's chair, as I felt too weak to sit at the study table and I couldn't sleep in my upstairs bedroom as it was too warm. So there I was, half-dead (or so it seemed at that point) and trying to sleep, my dear grandma beside me was going like, you musn't wash your hair, you musn't bathe, you must drink more milk to get better (not! milk gives me indigestion, even more so when I'm sick), then launched into a detailed description of her illness, namely her inability to shit (from chronic laxative use), headaches, and leg pain. I mean, I know you must feel horrible from all those illnesses you suffer from, but couldn't you just let me sleep in peace when I'm sick? And me being the 'xiao bei' couldn't rebuke her and had to listen to her rant and rave..and felt even more like dying. Why can't my grandma be more like those doting ones out there? Why can't she just pat me and say something like, dear, just go to sleep, you'll be fine. Simple and to the point, and that would certainly make me feel less like dying. hmm.

+:+:+:+

So I was reading a few blogs written by angry and pissed off pharmacists, courtesy of chingyik's blog.

If being a pharmacist warrants me to put up with all those sh*t, I couldn't help thinking, I would much rather be a housewife than a pharmacist...
I mean, I actually like cleaning (my housemates will testify to this!) and I think I'd make a good cook if given a chance to learn, and I absolutely hate conflicts. Of any sort. The only thing I'm not so sure of is child-rearing. As it is for now, I have no intention to have more than one kid (if I do get married, god forbid...), and as a general rule, I don't like kids. Period.
Or maybe because the kids I have come across so far are the loud-mouthed, rambunctious, and typhoon-resembling sort......

Then again, maybe MY kids will be different. muahaha...


Anyway, speaking of kids, my heart really goes out to the children of the 2 neighbouring households around my home.

Both have equally bad-tempered and loud-mouthed (and sometimes, foul-mouthed) mothers, and the things they scream at their offspring would have mortified even a hard-cored adult, much more an innocent child.
And if you've noticed by now, the reason why I'm writing this is mainly because I can actually hear what they yell, clear to the core. And do bear in mind that both households are not directly beside my house, one is behind mine and a house away, the other is across the street and a few houses away to boot! These mothers must have a large lung capacity indeed...or maybe they have a lot of 丹田气...
I really pity those children though. It isn't their fault that they were born into such terrible households, and truthfully, I would put the blame squarely on the parents if their kids were to grow up into troubled teens (and adults!).

You know, sometimes when the going gets tough (ie. when I, erm, love my parents less than usual), I just have to look at these families to know I'm luckier than many people. =)

of parents, swearing, and my future

Hello everyone!

So how did you enjoy my short story? =)

As I'm typing this, a few things have happened.

1. I passed my Sem 4 EOS. *wheeee!!*
2. Obama is the new president of the States.
3. The parents have finally voiced their disapprovement of my swearing.
4. And mom has suggested for me to do my housemanship and work (forever?) in my hometown.


First things first.
Sem 4 EOS was no easy feat, mark my words. A few of my friends felt that Sem 3 was more difficult, but I personally feel I have struggled more this semester. After almost every paper I was convinced I'd fail the paper (much to the irritation of my besties!), but then again I passed!...... so I must have been wrong. I'd already tried to study consistently in Sem 4 but I still found Eos quite strenuous, so I guess I'll have to step up my efforts in Sem5! But then again I'm the sort who makes resolutions but never really keeps to them, so........sigh.


I haven't been really following the US presidential elections so far, I'd always thought it wasn't relly any of my business...but I have friends who would beg to differ! There was just one interesting thing I'd noted after Obama's win: our Malaysian leaders actually said that "it is just as possible for a person from a minority group in Malaysia to become the PM." Hmm....sounds encouraging, but as far as I know, in Malaysia, UMNO president=Malaysia PM, and only malays (obviously non-minorities) can be an UMNO member, so technically the good minister's view is not feasible....unless they change the rules, of course. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed!


And oh yes, the swearing. I must clarify that I do not use 'bad' words, my swearing only consists of the word sh*t, and nothing else. No b-words, no f-words, nothing. It's mainly a way for me to release my emotions especially during sports, and I do use the word occasionally in my normal life. I don't think it's wrong, I actually think it's good for my (mental) health since I don't like to throw temper tantrums, and my 'sh*tting' helps me to vent my anger in a 'proper' way. I'm not hurting anyone by doing that, am I? But then again I have been trying to cut down on the swearing, mainly because I know some people can't accept it, and it may make me seem like I'm someone I'm not. But somehow when the parents tell me off on this, I go all defensive and the interesting thing is, once they brought that up, I feel even more like swearing, just to irk them! Oh well, maybe I'm not past my rebellious stage yet?....maybe it's a sign I'm still young hahaha.


And of course, the last one. I know my parents have been almost expecting me to return to my hometown after I finish my studies to work for the government. In other words, I'd have to stay in my parents' house even after I graduate and theoretically become an adult! I know, it's sort of the right thing to do since I'm the only daughter and I'm supposed to be filial to them and all, but now that I've left home, I realised I really can't stay together with my parents for too long a period. They still treat me like a kid, and they still make my decisions (big and small) for me. I know it's a sign of their love, but hey, the fact is, I'm NOT a kid any longer. I mean, if I don't want to do something, people can't MAKE me do it, can they?...but as for my parents, I feel bad if I don't follow their instructions, and I feel bad if I give in to them as well! What's a girl to do?..

And besides if I do return to Ipoh after I graduate, that means what I'd be doing for the rest of my life would be to go to work, come home, sleep. That's it. No entertainment (my parents are adamantly against shopping and clubbing...even karaoke is frowned upon!), no dates (dad would probably beat the hell out of any guy who comes to pick me up from my house), nothing. Zilch. And what's more in such a small town my entertainment and god forbid, dating choices would be drastically reduced. In other words, my life would be reduced to one word: boring. And very possibly, mediocre. AND I DON'T WANT A LIFE LIKE THAT!!!


Or maybe I'm thinking too much.

......am I?